The Race for College Acceptance

A great article about a child's acceptance to a prestigious college being a sign that the parents have done a good job...

Harvard Schmarvard

The judgement is even more pronounced, I believe, when parents buck the status quo and choose a less traditional schooling option.  If our girls don't get into a 'good' college, by society's standards, people may postulate it's due to our not sending them to school.  Essentially our choices have resulted in them not being 'successful' by standards of our social group.  

B-real and I dream of much more than a 'good' college for our kids though.  We don't see that as evidence of having performed our parenting job well.  I have to agree with the author of the article that things like having a passion, a compassionate soul, and being happy with themselves are more valuable to our family than that 'good' college.

Personally I find it's hard to teach those attributes when you are running your kids to activity upon activity after school.  Seven hours of school plus hours of activities in the evening mean little time to casually be with your children.  

I've seen the parents in their corporate garb, both mom and dad, peanut buttering their child's Ritz crackers at the gymnastics table, while the child's four year old sister does a 7:00 gymnastics class.  I think to myself, you know what's best for that family, to be at home, together.  After the entire day apart, the last thing that little four year old needs is more time away from her parents.

As parents, we have such a short period of time with our children, especially for working parents, don't WE want to enjoy them and spend time with them.  Do we really want to give away 'our' hour of time to a gymnastics teacher?

When people inquire about little c' doing seven hours of gymnastics a week, I mention the only reason it works for our family is because we homeschool.  If we didn't have the days with her I would not allow her to be away from home for two hours a night multiple nights a week.  B-real and I would want time as a family, time for her to play with the neighbors, time to be creative, time to develop a relationship with her sister.  A relationship I believe to be more important than any friend relationship.  

I have a little plaque on the wall of our kitchen.  I made it when our youngest was maybe 2.  It has a list of 10 attributes I hope to teach our girls.  They are things like compassion, creativity, kindness, gratitude.  I keep it in the kitchen so I can see it daily and remind myself of what's important to our family.

There's nothing on that list that pertains to college acceptance.

Teaching Gratitude when you have Plenty

We had a neighbor friend over today.  A sweet seven year old pal of little c's.  Playing on the tramp is one of their favorite activities and our trampoline is very used!  It is in need of being replaced seeing as the net is ripped and the pads are torn.  We looked into to replacing those components however it was only slightly more expensive to buy a whole new trampoline.  It's not a fancy one; think from Walmart.  I might remind you all that it's the trampoline I so very badly wanted and which my dear husband  said would never get used!  Sometimes I am actually right!  I told our friend that we planned to replace the trampoline next year.  She said "you have enough money to buy a new one just like that?".  Embarrassed I told her it wasn't a particularly expensive trampoline so we could afford to replace it.  My heart hurt telling her those words.  She said she would be so happy to just have our trampoline with the ripped net and missing pads and wondered what we would do with it when we got the new one.  Oh my heart, here's this sweet girl who would be excited to have our not good enoughs.

When you have enough, how do you teach your children to have that same sort of appreciation for things?  I want my girls to be like Izzy.  I want my girls to be thankful for what they have and to be grateful for small pleasures.  I want them to be ok with disappointment when they can't afford things, which at some point in life they will likely experience.  The thing is we can afford to do most of what they like. Even so I think I need to say "no", even when I don't have to, because I want them to grow into girls who don't have everything they want. It's important to realize you can be be pretty darn happy with not a whole lot!

Yesterday at Target, Big C decided to spend some of her money.  She rarely spends money but she shrieked with excitement when I said she could use her money to buy this particular item.  I reminded her that if you are that thrilled about something you are probably spending your fun money wisely.  When you chose to spend your discretionary money on something it should fill you with joy.  If it doesn't, you may want to rethink buying the item or having the experience.

So here's to saying "no" even when your circumstances may not require it.