A great article about a child's acceptance to a prestigious college being a sign that the parents have done a good job...
Harvard Schmarvard
The judgement is even more pronounced, I believe, when parents buck the status quo and choose a less traditional schooling option. If our girls don't get into a 'good' college, by society's standards, people may postulate it's due to our not sending them to school. Essentially our choices have resulted in them not being 'successful' by standards of our social group.
B-real and I dream of much more than a 'good' college for our kids though. We don't see that as evidence of having performed our parenting job well. I have to agree with the author of the article that things like having a passion, a compassionate soul, and being happy with themselves are more valuable to our family than that 'good' college.
Personally I find it's hard to teach those attributes when you are running your kids to activity upon activity after school. Seven hours of school plus hours of activities in the evening mean little time to casually be with your children.
I've seen the parents in their corporate garb, both mom and dad, peanut buttering their child's Ritz crackers at the gymnastics table, while the child's four year old sister does a 7:00 gymnastics class. I think to myself, you know what's best for that family, to be at home, together. After the entire day apart, the last thing that little four year old needs is more time away from her parents.
As parents, we have such a short period of time with our children, especially for working parents, don't WE want to enjoy them and spend time with them. Do we really want to give away 'our' hour of time to a gymnastics teacher?
When people inquire about little c' doing seven hours of gymnastics a week, I mention the only reason it works for our family is because we homeschool. If we didn't have the days with her I would not allow her to be away from home for two hours a night multiple nights a week. B-real and I would want time as a family, time for her to play with the neighbors, time to be creative, time to develop a relationship with her sister. A relationship I believe to be more important than any friend relationship.
I have a little plaque on the wall of our kitchen. I made it when our youngest was maybe 2. It has a list of 10 attributes I hope to teach our girls. They are things like compassion, creativity, kindness, gratitude. I keep it in the kitchen so I can see it daily and remind myself of what's important to our family.
There's nothing on that list that pertains to college acceptance.
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Friday, October 17, 2014
Teaching Gratitude when you have Plenty
We had a neighbor friend over today. A sweet seven year old pal of little c's. Playing on the tramp is one of their favorite activities and our trampoline is very used! It is in need of being replaced seeing as the net is ripped and the pads are torn. We looked into to replacing those components however it was only slightly more expensive to buy a whole new trampoline. It's not a fancy one; think from Walmart. I might remind you all that it's the trampoline I so very badly wanted and which my dear husband said would never get used! Sometimes I am actually right! I told our friend that we planned to replace the trampoline next year. She said "you have enough money to buy a new one just like that?". Embarrassed I told her it wasn't a particularly expensive trampoline so we could afford to replace it. My heart hurt telling her those words. She said she would be so happy to just have our trampoline with the ripped net and missing pads and wondered what we would do with it when we got the new one. Oh my heart, here's this sweet girl who would be excited to have our not good enoughs.
When you have enough, how do you teach your children to have that same sort of appreciation for things? I want my girls to be like Izzy. I want my girls to be thankful for what they have and to be grateful for small pleasures. I want them to be ok with disappointment when they can't afford things, which at some point in life they will likely experience. The thing is we can afford to do most of what they like. Even so I think I need to say "no", even when I don't have to, because I want them to grow into girls who don't have everything they want. It's important to realize you can be be pretty darn happy with not a whole lot!
Yesterday at Target, Big C decided to spend some of her money. She rarely spends money but she shrieked with excitement when I said she could use her money to buy this particular item. I reminded her that if you are that thrilled about something you are probably spending your fun money wisely. When you chose to spend your discretionary money on something it should fill you with joy. If it doesn't, you may want to rethink buying the item or having the experience.
So here's to saying "no" even when your circumstances may not require it.
When you have enough, how do you teach your children to have that same sort of appreciation for things? I want my girls to be like Izzy. I want my girls to be thankful for what they have and to be grateful for small pleasures. I want them to be ok with disappointment when they can't afford things, which at some point in life they will likely experience. The thing is we can afford to do most of what they like. Even so I think I need to say "no", even when I don't have to, because I want them to grow into girls who don't have everything they want. It's important to realize you can be be pretty darn happy with not a whole lot!
Yesterday at Target, Big C decided to spend some of her money. She rarely spends money but she shrieked with excitement when I said she could use her money to buy this particular item. I reminded her that if you are that thrilled about something you are probably spending your fun money wisely. When you chose to spend your discretionary money on something it should fill you with joy. If it doesn't, you may want to rethink buying the item or having the experience.
So here's to saying "no" even when your circumstances may not require it.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Questions
B-real took Big C to meet with our priest this morning. She has some big questions that her parents even struggle to answer. I was too sick to join them even though I would have been equally interested in his answers. Supposedly it went well and Big C has his email for further inquiries. Kind of neat to have that line to a spiritual advisor!
The meeting this morning opened up some questions from this cute girl. She wanted to know if once you get to Heaven you can put in a request to God, like you do at the roller garden to the DJ, asking that certain types of people be born.
Big questions for 9 a.m. towards a lady with a NyQuil hangover.
Friday, September 19, 2014
My Least Favorite Part of Parenting
is nagging.
I hate it! It is mostly my job here and not shared by the man of the home. He is a big help around here but not so much with enforcement of work, behavior choices, follow through on requests. You know, that yucky stuff.
I hate to nag. I hate to have that sort or relationship with my children where I am constantly asking them to do things. It is so not fun. And because we have made the decision to home school I feel like I experience more than families who choose school. It is my all-day, every day.
This weekend I asked for a day off. I had to leave or lock myself in my bedroom. I had been home alone with the girls for five days and I just wanted to be void of responsibility. Do any other moms ever feel that way? You love your kids and your family but you just want a day off from the work of the job?
Even the other day, when dad was home, and I had run out to do a few errands, the girls called me on the phone to ask their question. Dad was somewhere around the yard. I 'think' that's fairly common among families. They need more practice with daddy.
I 'try' different ideas to eliminate the nagging. My favorite is lists. We do lists on the white board in the playroom. School wise each girl has a planner with their daily responsibilities. I may also be the mother of two forgetful children. It makes it even more frustrating. Frequently they go upstairs and forget what they are supposed to have done by the time they make it up the twelve stairs between me and their bedrooms. The lists are nice because it removes me from their work. Big C and little c know what's expected of them and what needs to be completed for the fun of the day to begin. It's almost easier if they have their lists and I leave. If not, I find myself judging their process and feeling frustrated in their approach to getting the lists done. Going up and done the stairs four times to brush teeth, bring clothes upstairs, grab a library book that needs to be returned seems inefficient to me. Really though, what matters is that the work gets done. How they do it really is their own dealio.
I am also trying to reintroduce something I learned about when the girls were in their ECFE classes. That fabulous concept of natural consequences. For example, if we need to leave the house by a specific time and you haven't gathered your sunglasses you may have to suffer from squinting at the park. Or if you forget your water bottle after I have reminded you; well you might be thirsty. Nothing that will kill the girls though! A little thirst, a little headache from squinting.
Time blocking work makes them more focused and productive. The other evening I told the girls dessert would be served at 6:30 only if they were downstairs having showered and put away their laundry before that time. One child made it in the nick of time. The other, not so. And sadly only one daughter got to partake in dessert. I hope the other daughter will remember mom means business and to hurry herself along a little more next time.
Motherhood is definitely a job. Especially if you want to do it right and raise capable, responsible children. And sometimes the mom needs a day off!
The mom at the National Orchid Garden in Singapore, after walking in the rain for miles. It was a really nice day off :-)
I hate it! It is mostly my job here and not shared by the man of the home. He is a big help around here but not so much with enforcement of work, behavior choices, follow through on requests. You know, that yucky stuff.
I hate to nag. I hate to have that sort or relationship with my children where I am constantly asking them to do things. It is so not fun. And because we have made the decision to home school I feel like I experience more than families who choose school. It is my all-day, every day.
This weekend I asked for a day off. I had to leave or lock myself in my bedroom. I had been home alone with the girls for five days and I just wanted to be void of responsibility. Do any other moms ever feel that way? You love your kids and your family but you just want a day off from the work of the job?
Even the other day, when dad was home, and I had run out to do a few errands, the girls called me on the phone to ask their question. Dad was somewhere around the yard. I 'think' that's fairly common among families. They need more practice with daddy.
I 'try' different ideas to eliminate the nagging. My favorite is lists. We do lists on the white board in the playroom. School wise each girl has a planner with their daily responsibilities. I may also be the mother of two forgetful children. It makes it even more frustrating. Frequently they go upstairs and forget what they are supposed to have done by the time they make it up the twelve stairs between me and their bedrooms. The lists are nice because it removes me from their work. Big C and little c know what's expected of them and what needs to be completed for the fun of the day to begin. It's almost easier if they have their lists and I leave. If not, I find myself judging their process and feeling frustrated in their approach to getting the lists done. Going up and done the stairs four times to brush teeth, bring clothes upstairs, grab a library book that needs to be returned seems inefficient to me. Really though, what matters is that the work gets done. How they do it really is their own dealio.
I am also trying to reintroduce something I learned about when the girls were in their ECFE classes. That fabulous concept of natural consequences. For example, if we need to leave the house by a specific time and you haven't gathered your sunglasses you may have to suffer from squinting at the park. Or if you forget your water bottle after I have reminded you; well you might be thirsty. Nothing that will kill the girls though! A little thirst, a little headache from squinting.
Time blocking work makes them more focused and productive. The other evening I told the girls dessert would be served at 6:30 only if they were downstairs having showered and put away their laundry before that time. One child made it in the nick of time. The other, not so. And sadly only one daughter got to partake in dessert. I hope the other daughter will remember mom means business and to hurry herself along a little more next time.
Motherhood is definitely a job. Especially if you want to do it right and raise capable, responsible children. And sometimes the mom needs a day off!
The mom at the National Orchid Garden in Singapore, after walking in the rain for miles. It was a really nice day off :-)
Karma
little c asked me this morning if I knew what karma was. She is seven years old. When I said "yes" I returned by asking if she knew what it meant. Shockingly, she did, and her explanation was spot on.
She also told me her new dance teacher likely has a mental illness. I asked her why she thought that might be the case. I guess the teacher likes to pretend she is a princess and has a wand and magic fairy dust. little c says the teacher is seeing things that don't truly exist. She feels this is a good indication of mental illness.
One of my mom friends said only my child would come up with such thoughts.
She also told me her new dance teacher likely has a mental illness. I asked her why she thought that might be the case. I guess the teacher likes to pretend she is a princess and has a wand and magic fairy dust. little c says the teacher is seeing things that don't truly exist. She feels this is a good indication of mental illness.
One of my mom friends said only my child would come up with such thoughts.
Back
I am going to be back to writing on my blog. I have struggled because there are many things I want to write about here, like good children's books, our homeschooling journey, travel, remembrances from this time in the girls lives. It seems scattered and like my blog should have a particular direction.
The authors of my favorite blogs say they write to remember and it's a way to document their lives. I have been a diary writer since I could basically write words and I believe in a personal journal. I remember when I initially wanted to be a writer and went to college to pursue that dream. One of my professors told me that she recommends people write daily and that the best stories often come from those jottings.
Trying to write down something before bed each night has been my goal but it often gets lost in the shuffle. I also type much more quickly than I am capable of writing. And my life frequently keeps me out of the house. I ALWAYS have my phone and can write while waiting for a child at gymnastics or while I wait in the waiting room of the doctor's office. I am not organized enough to keep my journal with me at all times. I would need one for next to my bed and one for my large purse.
So I want to write more to record these memories. I hear stories of people using programs to turn their blogs into books. Plus it's cathartic for me to write. It always has been. I am better in writing than in words out of this little mouth of mine. And I feel better after I write it all out.
So to start with a few photos from the summer of blogging lull...
Celebrating our 13 year wedding anniversary. Yes we're at the Mall of America. I really wanted to ride that Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles Ride.
B-real and I in Phuket, Thailand. He had a conference in Singapore so I went with him and we added on a few days in Phuket.
The girls on our boat. Ages 10 and 8.
I am back.
The authors of my favorite blogs say they write to remember and it's a way to document their lives. I have been a diary writer since I could basically write words and I believe in a personal journal. I remember when I initially wanted to be a writer and went to college to pursue that dream. One of my professors told me that she recommends people write daily and that the best stories often come from those jottings.
Trying to write down something before bed each night has been my goal but it often gets lost in the shuffle. I also type much more quickly than I am capable of writing. And my life frequently keeps me out of the house. I ALWAYS have my phone and can write while waiting for a child at gymnastics or while I wait in the waiting room of the doctor's office. I am not organized enough to keep my journal with me at all times. I would need one for next to my bed and one for my large purse.
So I want to write more to record these memories. I hear stories of people using programs to turn their blogs into books. Plus it's cathartic for me to write. It always has been. I am better in writing than in words out of this little mouth of mine. And I feel better after I write it all out.
So to start with a few photos from the summer of blogging lull...
The girls on our boat. Ages 10 and 8.
I am back.
Monday, July 14, 2014
Saturday Night Love Story
This is part of a love story between a guy and his sweet, old dog. The dog that he used to try to give away to every guest who entered our house. Along with the dog, this guy promised a gift card to Petco for her food needs for the coming year.
As we were settling in to watch Dateline NBC, B-real decided to make some popcorn. Our sweet, old dog likes popcorn and so I reached into his gigantic bowl and grabbed two pieces. Upon wanting to get some more for sweet, old dog I realized all of the popcorn was gonzers. My sweet, old husband had eaten it all without a thought for the sweet, old dog who cuddles up to him every night in bed.
I humphed over that fact and may have made a grumpy face at the 'selfish' man lying next to me in bed. He said there might be a few more pieces in the bottom of the Whirley Pop. He came back up with a small bowl of popcorn for the dog. I gave it to her but she refused to eat it. I asked B-real if the dog's popcorn had any butter. He said "No, it had not been buttered. It came directly from the popcorn maker." I told him "Well, she doesn't like popcorn without butter. Who does?" I then asked if he would eat popcorn without butter. He said he would. Yeah, right!
Well then he humped back at me and said "Fine, I will go melt butter for the dog's popcorn." I told him he didn't need to do that, it was pretty ridiculous to make a dog her own buttered popcorn. But he did. Sweet, old dog who adored him before, and even more so now, devoured her pink bowl of buttered popcorn.
The End.
As we were settling in to watch Dateline NBC, B-real decided to make some popcorn. Our sweet, old dog likes popcorn and so I reached into his gigantic bowl and grabbed two pieces. Upon wanting to get some more for sweet, old dog I realized all of the popcorn was gonzers. My sweet, old husband had eaten it all without a thought for the sweet, old dog who cuddles up to him every night in bed.
I humphed over that fact and may have made a grumpy face at the 'selfish' man lying next to me in bed. He said there might be a few more pieces in the bottom of the Whirley Pop. He came back up with a small bowl of popcorn for the dog. I gave it to her but she refused to eat it. I asked B-real if the dog's popcorn had any butter. He said "No, it had not been buttered. It came directly from the popcorn maker." I told him "Well, she doesn't like popcorn without butter. Who does?" I then asked if he would eat popcorn without butter. He said he would. Yeah, right!
Well then he humped back at me and said "Fine, I will go melt butter for the dog's popcorn." I told him he didn't need to do that, it was pretty ridiculous to make a dog her own buttered popcorn. But he did. Sweet, old dog who adored him before, and even more so now, devoured her pink bowl of buttered popcorn.
The End.
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