Just Between Us

How does your child communicate with you?
Are you one of the lucky moms who children share their thoughts and questions easily as you are driving in the car?
Does your child ask for advice easily? 

What if that doesn't work for your child?
What if she is a true introvert?
Like my first born. 

Although social, I consider myself to be an introvert too.  My energy comes from being alone and I find myself needing solitary time after a long day of socializing.  Interestingly enough I prefer expressing my feelings in writing versus an oral dialogue.    Why would I expect something different from my eldest child? 

I started out writing to Big C in an old cupcake ridden notebook.  The exchange might begin with a question for her or a comment or complimentary observation on her behavior.   Eventually she might respond asking for advice or expressing a less than positive emotion.   We pass the notebook to one another underneath our pillows.

This is her way of communicating.  This works for her and for me too.  We've come so far from a child who covers her vulnerability and emotion with anger to a child who will gradually float an envelope down from the second floor addressed to me.   Her note will end with please write back or please come up and talk to me.  There are more tears and more honest feelings.  I want her to grow up knowing it's o.k. to be the way she is; maybe it's safer to be vulnerable in the written word.  And eventually she may realize she can trust me with her spoken thoughts too.  But, if that never happens, I'm o.k. with the conversations we've created in our old notebook. 

There will be more private, embarrassing questions to be answered in the coming years.  Questions she might be too uncomfortable to say to my face.   I imagine what we've started now will evolve into something I appreciate even more as she grows older.  Here's the best part...the gift of writing gives me the chance to think before responding.   There have yet to be thoughts that anger me but I don't doubt those will come.   With the chance to process I hope I can cover my daughter with love and wisdom rather than anger.  

I've learned to work with what God gave me.  Instead of trying to change my daughter into what I think she ought to be, I've chosen to love her the way she is and accept her personality.  It's been a puzzle to figure out what works best for her but I am so glad I put in the effort.  Our relationship is worth it.

This book is a great option if you would prefer something prettier. 

A Week in the Life

To follow up my earlier post on the socializing of a home-school family, I present into evidence....

A WEEK IN THE LIFE OF OUR HOME-SCHOOLED CHILDREN

Sunday:  The girls returned from attending a Father/Daughter dance in Rochester with B-Real.

Little c had a friend from gymnastics over to play.  We also helped our neighbor by watching her son and daughter for a few hours.  

Monday:  We attend a home-school morning at a Field House.  Little c has gymnastics for two hours.   Big C tries out a yoga class with a friend from our home-school group.  Later that evening she has her Girl Scout meeting with kids from our local school district.

Tuesday:  Big C has her piano lesson at our house.  The teacher, also a home-school mom, brings her daughter along.  Little c and her daughter play for about 45 minutes together  Little c takes a hip-hop class. Big C comes along because she has made friends with one of Little c's classmates sisters.  They play for an hour together.  It's Little c's turn for her Girl Scout meeting with kids from our local school district. I drop Big C at a community ed class for kids who'd like to be able to stay home alone.  

Wednesday:  The girls favorite day of the week!  We get together with our home-school group at various locations throughout the west metro.  Last week we went sledding for three hours.  There is a huge variety of ages and the kids all get along well together.  Our girls get attention from 12 and 13 year old boys and also have the opportunity to be role models to the younger children.  This day allows for a lot of unstructured play for the kids.  In the warmer months we meet at parks and I recall on a rainy, rainy day, 45 of us standing outside getting wet.  (That's little c in the fairy costume hanging out with two ten year old friends.)

Thursday:  We volunteer with Feed My Starving Children alongside many of our home-school friends as well as people from the community (business people, senior citizens, etc.). Little c has two hours of gymnastics again.  We stay for an hour at our gymnastics carpool friend's house and the girls play with their two girls. 

Friday:  We volunteer at the food shelf in our neighborhood for two hours every Friday.  The girls have the chance to interact with different adults.  

Saturday:  Big C attends an art class.  We spend the afternoon at a friend's house.  The girls run off with our friend's children and we barely see them all afternoon. 

Side note:  When we were pondering the possibility of home-schooling, I remember speaking with more experienced home-schooled moms who relayed there were almost too many opportunities for socializing.   Surprisingly, I have to agree!   Families can be as busy as they want but must be prepared for lots of driving!   Friends and activities are all over the place! 

Is it socialization or socializing?

Did you know there's a difference?

People who are opposed to homeschooling worry about the socialization of children who do not attend school.   Socialization means learning the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position, according to dictionary.com.  I don't think a child needs to attend school to learn these things.  In fact, I would prefer my children learn these values, behaviors, and social skills from time spent with me rather than their peers.  "Traditionally" schooled children spend more time with their peers than their parents and can easily pick up their behaviors and values rather than those from home. In our experience I found it frustrating to have spent six years modeling good manners for Big C to have them essentially disappear once she began spending the majority of her time with immature, un-socialized, poorly supervised children.  We, as adults, have had years of experience being socialized.  Children have not and need good, consistent role models to become well mannered, kind, thoughtful people. 

Socializing, on the other hand, is the opportunity for people to engage and interact with other people.  One aspect of homeschooling I appreciate is the opportunity our children have to interact with a wide variety of other children and adults from all walks of life.  I think it's important for them to learn how to play and communicate with children who are younger, older, and the same age.  That's real life.  School is the only time in your life when you are segregated into groups based on your chronological age.   Think, how many of your adult friends are identical in age?  

Maybe the more appropriate question for critics of home-schooling is, "Are your children socializing?", to which I can confidently respond, "Without a doubt!"  

Across the Pond

Dining in Monaco
with three Brits
talk of ed
came up as we ate our pomme frites

Teacher said
his kid can't subtract
might not move on
it's just a fact. 

Dad in car
says to son in the back
Let me hear your subtraction.

Intentional errors
Keeps teasing at bay
Son is learning it's not good to be smart.
Better to just be o.k.  

Kids can't be themselves
Even across the pond
Teased for intelligence
Nearly not moving on.

Fear of bullying
outweighs
advancement.

Letters after Death

We went to a funeral a month ago for a man who died after falling from his roof.   I told our friend that he ought to go into the business of funeral planning because it was the most lovely done visitation I've witnessed. Beautiful flowers were arranged in three areas of the funeral home.  Each area represented something of importance to his father-in-law.  They brought in his old ladder, favorite wheel barrow, old fishing buckets.  Each was lovingly planted with flowers, photos and quotes.  It was a great conversation starter for those of us who gathered to celebrate this sweet man's life.

What I really wanted to mention though is the gift he left his wife, children and grandchildren.  About 10 years back, when he was diagnosed with cancer and thought he would die, he purchased a fill in the blank journal and secretly began writing in it.  Upon his death his children found the journal.  As they made difficult decisions as to whether to continue with life support they took cues from what he had written himself.  He also gave them the gift of laughter and the opportunity to smile alongside their grief.  Although my friend never mentioned it, I would bet he would say out of anything his dad left for him, the only thing that really mattered was the journal. 

What a tremendous gift to his children, but also his grandchildren, and great grandchildren who will have the chance to know him through his words.

This is one of my favorite options. 

http://www.amazon.com/Book-Myself--Yourself-Autobiography-Questions/dp/1401303099/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374167897&sr=1-3

I bought it for my dad years ago and 'hope' he is using it.  The completed journal is the best present he could ever give me! 

Strung out by the string

Did you know Target requires you to show your i.d to buy silly string?

Exfoliation

If you are looking for a quick and inexpensive way to exfoliate your skin, try baking soda and water. 

Put a little baking soda into your hand.
Add a few drops of warm water.
Rub into your face.
Wash off!