Just Between Us

How does your child communicate with you?
Are you one of the lucky moms who children share their thoughts and questions easily as you are driving in the car?
Does your child ask for advice easily? 

What if that doesn't work for your child?
What if she is a true introvert?
Like my first born. 

Although social, I consider myself to be an introvert too.  My energy comes from being alone and I find myself needing solitary time after a long day of socializing.  Interestingly enough I prefer expressing my feelings in writing versus an oral dialogue.    Why would I expect something different from my eldest child? 

I started out writing to Big C in an old cupcake ridden notebook.  The exchange might begin with a question for her or a comment or complimentary observation on her behavior.   Eventually she might respond asking for advice or expressing a less than positive emotion.   We pass the notebook to one another underneath our pillows.

This is her way of communicating.  This works for her and for me too.  We've come so far from a child who covers her vulnerability and emotion with anger to a child who will gradually float an envelope down from the second floor addressed to me.   Her note will end with please write back or please come up and talk to me.  There are more tears and more honest feelings.  I want her to grow up knowing it's o.k. to be the way she is; maybe it's safer to be vulnerable in the written word.  And eventually she may realize she can trust me with her spoken thoughts too.  But, if that never happens, I'm o.k. with the conversations we've created in our old notebook. 

There will be more private, embarrassing questions to be answered in the coming years.  Questions she might be too uncomfortable to say to my face.   I imagine what we've started now will evolve into something I appreciate even more as she grows older.  Here's the best part...the gift of writing gives me the chance to think before responding.   There have yet to be thoughts that anger me but I don't doubt those will come.   With the chance to process I hope I can cover my daughter with love and wisdom rather than anger.  

I've learned to work with what God gave me.  Instead of trying to change my daughter into what I think she ought to be, I've chosen to love her the way she is and accept her personality.  It's been a puzzle to figure out what works best for her but I am so glad I put in the effort.  Our relationship is worth it.

This book is a great option if you would prefer something prettier.