As I continue on my list of reasons why I don't send my children to school. See below...
Many of my friends children attend World Learner in Chaska. I just visited it two months ago because I like the idea of Montessori. On all accounts I've heard and witnessed this being a neat school.
http://www.chanvillager.com/news/schools/chaska-teacher-charged-with-criminal-sexual-conduct/article_dd488575-897e-5f71-ac91-bbfb9ddbf8bc.html
Then how can parents be o.k. with their children being at a school where a teacher is accused and admits to inappropriately touching two young girls. I don't understand in what capacity a teacher is allowed to be in a situation where he is alone with eight and nine year old girls.
The school claims he passed all of their background checks. When I volunteered at my daughter's private school we had to attend required volunteer training. The biggest take away I had was to never be alone with a child. Children are capable of making up lies and you don't want to EVER be in a position of being accused of doing something inappropriate. The best way to prevent that from happening is to always have another adult with you. Even if you are accused of something untrue and found innocent in the court of law, you will never regain your reputation.
I count my stars that I don't have to worry about my children's safety on a daily basis. I know, without a doubt, they are safe at home. No crazy person is going to run into their school and they will not be exposed to someone inappropriately touching them.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Did you hear?
about the home burglar who alluded police by running into an Edina elementary school. I thought schools had locked doors except for one main entrance. I thought any visitors had to check in before entering the school.
The school reportedly noticed a strange man walking around the halls and decided to call the police. How in the world does a random man end up walking the halls of an elementary school?
If I was a parent of a child at this school, I would be asking about 100 questions. I feel like a parent's number one responsibility is to keep their children safe and permitting my child to attend this school would not be honoring that responsibility.
See article...
http://www.startribune.com/local/west/241731891.html
The school reportedly noticed a strange man walking around the halls and decided to call the police. How in the world does a random man end up walking the halls of an elementary school?
If I was a parent of a child at this school, I would be asking about 100 questions. I feel like a parent's number one responsibility is to keep their children safe and permitting my child to attend this school would not be honoring that responsibility.
See article...
http://www.startribune.com/local/west/241731891.html
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Our First Morning in NYC
We wanted Big C to see the skating rink at Rockefeller Center.
And where they film The Today Show.
And Times Square.
M and M Store
Little c wanted to take Big C to the M and M Store in Times Square. They have this huge wall of M&Ms where you can hand select the color and flavor of your M&Ms. We let the girls each make a bag of their favorites.
They also have this 'personality analyer', if you will, that analyzes you and determines the kind of M&M that fits your personality.
Oddly, it was pretty much spot on with our personalities. I went first, all excitedly, but I had the camera so there is no photo documentation of my analysis!
Here's little c....
Her mood is Dark Pink meaning "your laughter is infectious- share it with someone". Pretty accurate about her fun personality!
Then it was Big C's opportunity...
She is a tad more serious and should probably laugh a little more, relax, have fun!!
And B-real, the skeptic, it took a long time for the analysis to be complete on him...
His color was dark blue -- 'you take things pretty seriously, but you can be seriously silly". So true, so true.
The girls had fun at the big store! Little c was hoping to pop into the Hershey's store next store but we decided one chocolate store in NYC was probably enough!
Horse Drawn Carriage Ride Through Central Park
I negotiated down the price of the infamous horse drawn carriage ride in NYC.
For future reference, it's not that hard. Little c really wanted to do it but I reminded her that she should leave some activities for her next trip to the Big Apple. I also told her it was expensive - $50 for a 25 minute ride around the park. As we walked past the line up of horses, one driver asked if we were interested. I replied "no" and he said "what if we can make a deal?". I responded "Well then maybe. How about $30 instead of $50". He said "sure". It was so easy! And he was a great driver, telling the girls about the park where the Jesse show is filmed and about various movies that were shot or centered in Central Park. The girls smiles were HUGE.
Our horse was named Prince and the highlight was definitely getting to feed him carrots at the end of our trip.
Looking back I am glad the stars aligned and we went because I have read the new Mayor of NYC has said he is going to end the carriage rides. I guess the animal rights folks don't care for how they are treated.
I think he liked me (see photo below). The feeling was mutual!!
For future reference, it's not that hard. Little c really wanted to do it but I reminded her that she should leave some activities for her next trip to the Big Apple. I also told her it was expensive - $50 for a 25 minute ride around the park. As we walked past the line up of horses, one driver asked if we were interested. I replied "no" and he said "what if we can make a deal?". I responded "Well then maybe. How about $30 instead of $50". He said "sure". It was so easy! And he was a great driver, telling the girls about the park where the Jesse show is filmed and about various movies that were shot or centered in Central Park. The girls smiles were HUGE.
Our horse was named Prince and the highlight was definitely getting to feed him carrots at the end of our trip.
Looking back I am glad the stars aligned and we went because I have read the new Mayor of NYC has said he is going to end the carriage rides. I guess the animal rights folks don't care for how they are treated.
I think he liked me (see photo below). The feeling was mutual!!
A Little More NYC - Favorites
We went to the Math Museum....
It really makes math fun for kids. When we told B-real's coworkers we were going to the math museum they practically started making puking faces. They thought it sounded like torture. Isn't it sad that we have that emotion when it comes to math?
It really makes math fun for kids. When we told B-real's coworkers we were going to the math museum they practically started making puking faces. They thought it sounded like torture. Isn't it sad that we have that emotion when it comes to math?
Sunday, January 26, 2014
A New York Adventure
B-real attends a conference in New York City about this time every year. Last year little c and I tagged along on his trip. This year my intent was to make it a big girl trip with our oldest daughter. Recalling how much fun little c had though, I decided to bring both girls.
My first lesson in traveling to a big city with small children is to have low expectations. There were a few days when B-real's work colleagues or B-real himself would ask what we had done that day and I felt like I didn't have much to offer. If the trip had consisted of two adults who loved walking, well, we would have seen a lot more of the city. Although we took advantage of public transportation and taxis, we still walked a lot and the girls got tired easily. I wanted the trip to be fun for them and wearing them down would not have made it fun. I had some general ideas for each day but I tried to respect their energy levels.
My second lesson is to realize the things you think they enjoy may not be what speaks to them. The girls favorite activities were feeding the birds and pigeons their leftover pretzels and climbing the rocks in Central Park. I think Big C would have enjoyed visiting some of the art museums but I have photos from last year of us pushing little c around in a stroller, while she read at book, at MOMA. I also want the girls to have reasons to want to return to the city -- like Big C has not seen either of the large art museums.
There were many moments I found frustrating on this trip. It rained way more than I was expecting. Walking through midtown Manhattan with two little people and three umbrellas is taxing. I felt like a mother duck being followed by her two baby ducklings. There are also very few children walking around mid-town Manhattan. The food was stressful, seeing as one of our children eats very little variety in her diet. I brought peanut butter from home and we learned that she really liked street vendor hot dogs. Before we would go into anyplace to eat, we'd grab her a hot dog, which she either ate in the restaurant or ate beforehand. People would ask if we ate anyplace amazing. Again, had it been B-real and I on a trip, we may have but it seemed silly to me to spend money on food the girls would not enjoy or appreciate.
I talked to the girls in advance of the trip and explained that this was a big, different city and although I have been to New York quite a few times, it's still a tricky place to navigate. I would need their patience. I also explained that part of the trip was just taking in the sights, sounds, people of the city. It has a totally different vibe to it than anyplace they had visited before and part of my goal was for them to have experience it. I gave our less patient child my phone to navigate. That helped her quite a bit because it gave her some control over getting around and gave her something to do while we walked. Typically this would have been very boring to her.
One day we went to this free museum called Sony Wonder Lab. I had read mixed reviews but it was raining and it was free, so we checked it out. The girls seemed to enjoy it. At the end of the day, I asked the girls what they had learned that day, hoping for something history related or a new awareness of the city. Little c said "The Sony Corporation hates short people". They had an exhibit that was too tall for little c to use so she climbed up it and ended up getting reprimanded. See, the things that speak to them and that they remember, aren't always what you might want!
B-real finally made it to Ellis Island. I was glad we went too; very interesting and historic. They even had a little museum for children. After many trips to the city, he finally managed to convince his traveling companions to go. Wink, wink!
Another highlight for me was going to the top of Rockefeller Center.
We went at night and the view was breathtaking. B-real jetted from a meeting and met us there and we saw it together. Then he went back to a work dinner and the girls and I went back to the hotel. So glad we shared the experience, the four of us. One of those things I will never forget. You feel like you are on top of the world. I was a 'tad' scared to be on the 70th floor in an open air environment. I held onto the railings on the stairs until I broke away for a second to get a photo of the four of us.
Little c and I much preferred the techo colored room they had on the 69th floor. She and I dance Ganga Style with some Korean travelers. So fun!!
Do you think we had fun?
People chide us for going to NYC in January and Orlando in September. Neither are ideal times to visit those places BUT we don't wait in lines. You would not believe the set-up for the line that could have snaked through Rockefeller Center to get to the top. It would have taken the fun out of it for our family if we had to wait for hours. We practically had that place to ourselves. The same for Orlando. Yes, it was hot there in September and the girls wanted to go to the pool instead of the rides. Going in March would have meant long lines.
I feel so fortunate to be able to give our girls these special experiences. I think they are getting to the age now where they appreciate the opportunities too!
My first lesson in traveling to a big city with small children is to have low expectations. There were a few days when B-real's work colleagues or B-real himself would ask what we had done that day and I felt like I didn't have much to offer. If the trip had consisted of two adults who loved walking, well, we would have seen a lot more of the city. Although we took advantage of public transportation and taxis, we still walked a lot and the girls got tired easily. I wanted the trip to be fun for them and wearing them down would not have made it fun. I had some general ideas for each day but I tried to respect their energy levels.
My second lesson is to realize the things you think they enjoy may not be what speaks to them. The girls favorite activities were feeding the birds and pigeons their leftover pretzels and climbing the rocks in Central Park. I think Big C would have enjoyed visiting some of the art museums but I have photos from last year of us pushing little c around in a stroller, while she read at book, at MOMA. I also want the girls to have reasons to want to return to the city -- like Big C has not seen either of the large art museums.
There were many moments I found frustrating on this trip. It rained way more than I was expecting. Walking through midtown Manhattan with two little people and three umbrellas is taxing. I felt like a mother duck being followed by her two baby ducklings. There are also very few children walking around mid-town Manhattan. The food was stressful, seeing as one of our children eats very little variety in her diet. I brought peanut butter from home and we learned that she really liked street vendor hot dogs. Before we would go into anyplace to eat, we'd grab her a hot dog, which she either ate in the restaurant or ate beforehand. People would ask if we ate anyplace amazing. Again, had it been B-real and I on a trip, we may have but it seemed silly to me to spend money on food the girls would not enjoy or appreciate.
I talked to the girls in advance of the trip and explained that this was a big, different city and although I have been to New York quite a few times, it's still a tricky place to navigate. I would need their patience. I also explained that part of the trip was just taking in the sights, sounds, people of the city. It has a totally different vibe to it than anyplace they had visited before and part of my goal was for them to have experience it. I gave our less patient child my phone to navigate. That helped her quite a bit because it gave her some control over getting around and gave her something to do while we walked. Typically this would have been very boring to her.
One day we went to this free museum called Sony Wonder Lab. I had read mixed reviews but it was raining and it was free, so we checked it out. The girls seemed to enjoy it. At the end of the day, I asked the girls what they had learned that day, hoping for something history related or a new awareness of the city. Little c said "The Sony Corporation hates short people". They had an exhibit that was too tall for little c to use so she climbed up it and ended up getting reprimanded. See, the things that speak to them and that they remember, aren't always what you might want!
B-real finally made it to Ellis Island. I was glad we went too; very interesting and historic. They even had a little museum for children. After many trips to the city, he finally managed to convince his traveling companions to go. Wink, wink!
Another highlight for me was going to the top of Rockefeller Center.
We went at night and the view was breathtaking. B-real jetted from a meeting and met us there and we saw it together. Then he went back to a work dinner and the girls and I went back to the hotel. So glad we shared the experience, the four of us. One of those things I will never forget. You feel like you are on top of the world. I was a 'tad' scared to be on the 70th floor in an open air environment. I held onto the railings on the stairs until I broke away for a second to get a photo of the four of us.
Little c and I much preferred the techo colored room they had on the 69th floor. She and I dance Ganga Style with some Korean travelers. So fun!!
Do you think we had fun?
People chide us for going to NYC in January and Orlando in September. Neither are ideal times to visit those places BUT we don't wait in lines. You would not believe the set-up for the line that could have snaked through Rockefeller Center to get to the top. It would have taken the fun out of it for our family if we had to wait for hours. We practically had that place to ourselves. The same for Orlando. Yes, it was hot there in September and the girls wanted to go to the pool instead of the rides. Going in March would have meant long lines.
I feel so fortunate to be able to give our girls these special experiences. I think they are getting to the age now where they appreciate the opportunities too!
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Religions of the World
There are certain parts of different religions I appreciate.
I am reading a book by a Jewish rabbi who is an Orthodox Jew. I was telling B-real that I like how they hold the sabbath sacred and refrain from activities, traveling, technology from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown. I sort of wished we did something similar in our house, slow things done, make the focus on family and simple pleasures.
We were joking that we should be different religions on different days. I said I would be Baptist on Sunday so we could go to a church with an uplifting message and great music. On Wednesday we'd be Catholic because the faith formation classes the girls attend are very important to B-real. B-real said, "And on Friday, heck, we'd be atheists". I think he thought that would be our day to party and overindulge without regard for anything Godly or spiritual. Oh he also said in the mornings of each day we'd be Buddhist because we like the calm that meditation brings to our lives.
I am reading a book by a Jewish rabbi who is an Orthodox Jew. I was telling B-real that I like how they hold the sabbath sacred and refrain from activities, traveling, technology from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown. I sort of wished we did something similar in our house, slow things done, make the focus on family and simple pleasures.
We were joking that we should be different religions on different days. I said I would be Baptist on Sunday so we could go to a church with an uplifting message and great music. On Wednesday we'd be Catholic because the faith formation classes the girls attend are very important to B-real. B-real said, "And on Friday, heck, we'd be atheists". I think he thought that would be our day to party and overindulge without regard for anything Godly or spiritual. Oh he also said in the mornings of each day we'd be Buddhist because we like the calm that meditation brings to our lives.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Parents vs. Coaches
One of our girls has been promoted to junior Olympic gymnastics this February. The coach distributed a letter letting us parents know what the girls needed to bring in their gym bags now that they are team girls. One of the items was deodorant.
Our youngest daughter is seven.
Our youngest daughter is seven.
She is a young seven in her size and in her development. By no means does she warrant deodorant. The coach said the girls need to wear deodorant because many young ladies are encountering puberty at an earlier age and consequently need to wear deodorant.
I asked our pediatrician about early onset puberty for girls and she said most often it occurs because of obesity. Girls begin producing estrogen because of their weight. In the same letter from the coach, actually in the same sentence about the need for deodorant, she remarked about them all being elite athletes. It's pretty rare for an elite athlete to have an issue with their weight.
All that aside and most importantly, I believe it's a parents decision when to introduce their children to deodorant. I don't believe any coach should tell a parent that their seven year needs to begin wearing deodorant. It's a decision to be made at home, on a case by case basis. Kids are growing up too quickly these days. Parents ultimately make decisions for their offspring; not coaches. Sadly, this amongst other attempts at asserting authority where it should lie with parents, led to our decision to switch to a more relaxed, family centered gym.
I asked our pediatrician about early onset puberty for girls and she said most often it occurs because of obesity. Girls begin producing estrogen because of their weight. In the same letter from the coach, actually in the same sentence about the need for deodorant, she remarked about them all being elite athletes. It's pretty rare for an elite athlete to have an issue with their weight.
All that aside and most importantly, I believe it's a parents decision when to introduce their children to deodorant. I don't believe any coach should tell a parent that their seven year needs to begin wearing deodorant. It's a decision to be made at home, on a case by case basis. Kids are growing up too quickly these days. Parents ultimately make decisions for their offspring; not coaches. Sadly, this amongst other attempts at asserting authority where it should lie with parents, led to our decision to switch to a more relaxed, family centered gym.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
B-reals Relationship with our Printer
We are bringing our printer down to the main floor of the house. B-real rarely uses it and he wants more space on his desk upstairs. I, on the other hand, seem to use it a lot for copying piano music and printing school worksheets. It just makes more sense for it to be closer to me.
This video pretty much summarizes B-real's relationship with our printer...
Enjoy!!
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Mining for Diamonds
A conversation as I am making the bed this morning:
little c: I want to get you diamonds for Christmas.
me: Wow, that sure sounds nice.
little c: I want to mine for them.
me: Oh? Where would you go to do that?
little c: Detroit
Huh?
My mom explained to little c in the car that diamonds are often found in S. Africa. Big C told little c she would die if she went there. My mom asked why. Big C said "mosquitoes". Lots of malaria in Africa. I 'think' she told me one time that mosquitoes are the deadliest animals.
They sure are fun girls and keep me on my toes. There are some days, especially when the roads are bad, when I yearn for a little QT in the car. Less hard questions to answer as I am trying to focus! I call what we do car-schooling. Just last week as I was driving alone in the car with little c we talked about prefixes, suffixes, pronouns, and adverbs. Our conversation was all based on me listening to a simple question little c asked me and running with it. Other home-school mom friends have said some of their best 'teaching' comes in the car too.
Have you heard of the girl who was 'car-schooled' alongside her mother as she drove truck? She went on to graduate from Harvard! Crazy, huh?
Cab-Schooled
When the girls tell strangers and their doctor that their mom makes them do school all year long, you have to remember we see school a little differently than most people. We learn all the time. It never stops, not in the summer, not over Christmas, it's just part of our every day life. But it's sneaky learning, not forced on them, and it is working! The girls think they have rough, I guess.
Kids are born being curious. Think about how much they learn from the time they are born until they first go to school. And none of that is from textbooks or worksheets. It's from time to explore their environments, be with their parents, mimic adult behavior. And then they go to school and it's no longer child led. It's teacher led and administration led. They can't go at their own pace and they can't choose to learn what interests them. And we wonder why they are sort of miserable? And many grow to hate school. How would you like to be really 'into' something and be told it's time to move on to something completely different. And to feel like your day exists with little influence or control of your own. I recall when Big C was at school and struggling with the boring, way too easy work given by her teacher. The one thing that made a difference in her attitude was when the teacher told her she could pick the order in which she did the work. Even though it continued to lack challenge, having that tiny bit of control over her life made it easier for her do. She was happier, more agreeable.
I believe the reason my girls remember as much as they do is because their education is primarily based on their own curiosity. I don't have a timeline as to when I expect them to learn things. I have faith it will come together and if we start to see gaps we can expose and introduce different topics.
I haven't figured out the high school years yet. That requires a little more research on my part....
little c: I want to get you diamonds for Christmas.
me: Wow, that sure sounds nice.
little c: I want to mine for them.
me: Oh? Where would you go to do that?
little c: Detroit
Huh?
My mom explained to little c in the car that diamonds are often found in S. Africa. Big C told little c she would die if she went there. My mom asked why. Big C said "mosquitoes". Lots of malaria in Africa. I 'think' she told me one time that mosquitoes are the deadliest animals.
They sure are fun girls and keep me on my toes. There are some days, especially when the roads are bad, when I yearn for a little QT in the car. Less hard questions to answer as I am trying to focus! I call what we do car-schooling. Just last week as I was driving alone in the car with little c we talked about prefixes, suffixes, pronouns, and adverbs. Our conversation was all based on me listening to a simple question little c asked me and running with it. Other home-school mom friends have said some of their best 'teaching' comes in the car too.
Have you heard of the girl who was 'car-schooled' alongside her mother as she drove truck? She went on to graduate from Harvard! Crazy, huh?
Cab-Schooled
When the girls tell strangers and their doctor that their mom makes them do school all year long, you have to remember we see school a little differently than most people. We learn all the time. It never stops, not in the summer, not over Christmas, it's just part of our every day life. But it's sneaky learning, not forced on them, and it is working! The girls think they have rough, I guess.
Kids are born being curious. Think about how much they learn from the time they are born until they first go to school. And none of that is from textbooks or worksheets. It's from time to explore their environments, be with their parents, mimic adult behavior. And then they go to school and it's no longer child led. It's teacher led and administration led. They can't go at their own pace and they can't choose to learn what interests them. And we wonder why they are sort of miserable? And many grow to hate school. How would you like to be really 'into' something and be told it's time to move on to something completely different. And to feel like your day exists with little influence or control of your own. I recall when Big C was at school and struggling with the boring, way too easy work given by her teacher. The one thing that made a difference in her attitude was when the teacher told her she could pick the order in which she did the work. Even though it continued to lack challenge, having that tiny bit of control over her life made it easier for her do. She was happier, more agreeable.
I believe the reason my girls remember as much as they do is because their education is primarily based on their own curiosity. I don't have a timeline as to when I expect them to learn things. I have faith it will come together and if we start to see gaps we can expose and introduce different topics.
I haven't figured out the high school years yet. That requires a little more research on my part....
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Bill Nye
Big C is really into Bill Nye the Science Guy.
Brent downloaded some 110 episodes. Tonight she asked to watch that instead of a tween show on ABC Family. She said Bill Nye is nerdy; kind of like her daddy. It makes me happy she is having such a positive, fun experience learning about science. I want our girls to be intellectually curious; not just learn things because they need to pass a test. That was my shortcoming in school; I memorized material to do well for a particular exam and then forgot it afterwards. Anyone else had that experience?
As she watches her show she is coloring an anatomy coloring book. Her aunt and uncle found it in the nursing workbook section of the bookstore. Seriously, how awesome is that?
Big C has an interest in emergency preparedness, which includes first aid. She is beyond basic first aid though. I was looking for a book to buy her for Christmas and kept gravitating towards these particular books --
Brent downloaded some 110 episodes. Tonight she asked to watch that instead of a tween show on ABC Family. She said Bill Nye is nerdy; kind of like her daddy. It makes me happy she is having such a positive, fun experience learning about science. I want our girls to be intellectually curious; not just learn things because they need to pass a test. That was my shortcoming in school; I memorized material to do well for a particular exam and then forgot it afterwards. Anyone else had that experience?
As she watches her show she is coloring an anatomy coloring book. Her aunt and uncle found it in the nursing workbook section of the bookstore. Seriously, how awesome is that?
Big C has an interest in emergency preparedness, which includes first aid. She is beyond basic first aid though. I was looking for a book to buy her for Christmas and kept gravitating towards these particular books --
Then I realized these books are for students who are studying to become doctors. It seemed like something she would enjoy but maybe too much for a 10 year old. I decided on this instead...
B-real and I will buy as many books as our children request. I don't think we've ever said 'no' to a request to buy books. Except when we go to Barnes and Noble and Big C reads a book before we leave. We may say 'no' to buying that book.
We read a study that the number of books in a home is a bigger factor in determining a child's future education level than the education level of their parents. The study showed that children who grew up in homes with more than 500 books went to school for 3 years longer than children who grew up with only a few books in their home. 70,000 people from 27 countries were involved with the study over a 20 year period.
If you come visit, you will be able to tell reading is VERY important in this house. Books are everywhere! And you can learn so much about people by seeing which books they have in their house.
Monday, January 6, 2014
Book Review: Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child
I wish I could remember how I heard about this book but I know why I would have gravitated towards reading it.
We 'may' have a strong-willed child in this house. I got some helpful tips in supporting that will in a positive, unemotional way from reading this book.
CONSISTENCY
I guess I already knew this from experience, but the book reconfirmed my belief that strong-willed children like to test boundaries to see if they can break them. It's important to be consistent and not break because they need to know who's in charge. I think life is stressful for children who have no boundaries. They crave limits, even though they might not say so themselves. And the limits can be things like 'school work must be done before TV, computer'. The consistency here comes in that the rules can't change from one day to the next.
LESS NO, MORE DO THIS
I want to tell 'said child' what to do more than telling her what not to do. Does that make sense? So instead of criticizing her and 'yelling' at her, I am going to tell her the appropriate behavior or action. I will feel better with myself for not getting mad. I want it to be about the behavior choice not the child themselves too.
ACTIONS VERSUS WORDS
Instead of asking over and over again for something to be done, I am going to expect that it occur on the first request. I will make this happen by putting action behind the request. For example, if the request is to turn down the TV, I will say "Please turn down the TV or it will be turned off". The consistency and follow through becomes very important then because if 'said child' does not, I must be around to turn it off immediately.
NATURAL CONSEQUENCES
I will try to use natural consequences for choices as much as possible. Instead of asking multiple times for 'said child' to join us for dinner, she may well find that dinner has been removed by the time she decides to come to the table. Or if she doesn't get ready in time for our morning departure, she may have to participate in one of her activities in her pj's, with messy hair and foul breath.
REFUSAL TO NEGOTIATE
I will not negotiate with the child after I ask her to do something. There will be no "Just a minute" or "How about?". If she does not do as I ask, there will be consequences (see above).
LESS EMOTION, CHILD IS MAKING CHOICE
I won't feel badly if the child misses out on something fun because I put down boundaries and SHE chose not to do as she was told. It is her choice, not mine, and I won't feel responsible for her happiness or lack thereof.
FOLLOW THROUGH
The most important point and the one I see lacking in so many friends homes I visit - you must follow through on what you tell your child. If there is one thing I would recommend to parents, it's that they follow through on discipline. If you can't or won't follow through on it, don't threaten in the first place. The child is learning that they don't have to do what you ask when you don't take away something or send them to their rooms. I think we do a fairly good job here with follow through but I want to make sure I am doing a near perfect job with this category.
My biggest struggle with these great ideas is how to bring them to people who are interacting with
'said child' - teachers, coaches, friends' parents. 'Said child' has been known to test the waters with other adults and will manipulate them, if they allow it. Once the adult puts their foot down and says they won't tolerate it, 'said child' stops. The relationship has then been established as the adult being in charge and 'said child' will not test the waters any longer.
We 'may' have a strong-willed child in this house. I got some helpful tips in supporting that will in a positive, unemotional way from reading this book.
CONSISTENCY
I guess I already knew this from experience, but the book reconfirmed my belief that strong-willed children like to test boundaries to see if they can break them. It's important to be consistent and not break because they need to know who's in charge. I think life is stressful for children who have no boundaries. They crave limits, even though they might not say so themselves. And the limits can be things like 'school work must be done before TV, computer'. The consistency here comes in that the rules can't change from one day to the next.
LESS NO, MORE DO THIS
I want to tell 'said child' what to do more than telling her what not to do. Does that make sense? So instead of criticizing her and 'yelling' at her, I am going to tell her the appropriate behavior or action. I will feel better with myself for not getting mad. I want it to be about the behavior choice not the child themselves too.
ACTIONS VERSUS WORDS
Instead of asking over and over again for something to be done, I am going to expect that it occur on the first request. I will make this happen by putting action behind the request. For example, if the request is to turn down the TV, I will say "Please turn down the TV or it will be turned off". The consistency and follow through becomes very important then because if 'said child' does not, I must be around to turn it off immediately.
NATURAL CONSEQUENCES
I will try to use natural consequences for choices as much as possible. Instead of asking multiple times for 'said child' to join us for dinner, she may well find that dinner has been removed by the time she decides to come to the table. Or if she doesn't get ready in time for our morning departure, she may have to participate in one of her activities in her pj's, with messy hair and foul breath.
REFUSAL TO NEGOTIATE
I will not negotiate with the child after I ask her to do something. There will be no "Just a minute" or "How about?". If she does not do as I ask, there will be consequences (see above).
LESS EMOTION, CHILD IS MAKING CHOICE
I won't feel badly if the child misses out on something fun because I put down boundaries and SHE chose not to do as she was told. It is her choice, not mine, and I won't feel responsible for her happiness or lack thereof.
FOLLOW THROUGH
The most important point and the one I see lacking in so many friends homes I visit - you must follow through on what you tell your child. If there is one thing I would recommend to parents, it's that they follow through on discipline. If you can't or won't follow through on it, don't threaten in the first place. The child is learning that they don't have to do what you ask when you don't take away something or send them to their rooms. I think we do a fairly good job here with follow through but I want to make sure I am doing a near perfect job with this category.
My biggest struggle with these great ideas is how to bring them to people who are interacting with
'said child' - teachers, coaches, friends' parents. 'Said child' has been known to test the waters with other adults and will manipulate them, if they allow it. Once the adult puts their foot down and says they won't tolerate it, 'said child' stops. The relationship has then been established as the adult being in charge and 'said child' will not test the waters any longer.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Schooling Through Experience
I wanted to touch on the learning that took place on our trip to Hawaii. B-real told me the world's largest active volcano was on The Big Island and he thought we should see it. I did too, until I realized how much of our vacation was going to be eaten up in the drive to and from the other side of the island! He did convince me that it might be the only opportunity the girls had to see the volcano and so we went and I think we're all glad we did. Kilauea was pretty fascinating.
It was interesting to see the climate changes between the opposing sides of the island. The mountain range in the middle affects the weather and B-real did a great job explaining that concept to the girls as we drove. Boy was it a change -- rain, clouds, more humidity and cooler temps on the leeward side of the island.
We also gave Big C the cellphone so she could tell us our elevation as we drove up into the mountains and back down on the wet side.
Surprisingly the girls wanted to watch the video explaining the history of the volcano. They must be their daddy's daughters because it would not have been my first pick. It was informative though and we all found it enlightening (the kids scary) to learn the Big Island is ever-so-slowly heading back into the ocean. This happens as other islands in the Hawaii chain are evolving.
The two photos above are the volcano from afar. We were standing at The Volcano House hotel. It is smoking but not erupting. An actual eruption has not occurred since 1983.
This is Big C smelling the steam vents. She remarked it had to be sulfur because it smelled like rotten eggs. I found them to be a bit eery, seeing as they are holes that go WAY down into the Earth's crust. You can see the steam in the photo of our family below.
Then it was onto the Sulfur Banks. I love that look on little c's face. She knows how accident prone her older sister is and looks worried.
We sat and listened to a park ranger give a talk at the look out point. I was so proud of the girls because they actually wanted to listen and were even confident enough to raise their hands at the end (in a sea of adults) and ask their individual questions. Afterwards they met a kind park ranger who told the girls the history of Pele, the volcanic Goddess. This spoke to the girls a lot because they are particularly interested in the Green and Roman Gods.
I am glad B-real put his foot down and said it was important to him that we visit the volcano. I love a strong man with opinions!
On the way home we drove the northern part of the island and stopped in Waimea for dinner, where the un-schooling continued through dinner. Little c was reading a book that uses roman numerals for chapters and so she wanted us to teach her about them. I think she'll remember them because it was her question that got the discussion going versus a school saying she was in a particular grade and needed to know the topic. Claire is reading her book while we wait for dinner.
The learning continued when we got home from our trip as I read to the girls about the different layers of the Earth. On their own accord, they each pulled out a white board while I read and drew their own interpretations of the Earth's various layers. Pretty cool stuff!
It was interesting to see the climate changes between the opposing sides of the island. The mountain range in the middle affects the weather and B-real did a great job explaining that concept to the girls as we drove. Boy was it a change -- rain, clouds, more humidity and cooler temps on the leeward side of the island.
We also gave Big C the cellphone so she could tell us our elevation as we drove up into the mountains and back down on the wet side.
Surprisingly the girls wanted to watch the video explaining the history of the volcano. They must be their daddy's daughters because it would not have been my first pick. It was informative though and we all found it enlightening (the kids scary) to learn the Big Island is ever-so-slowly heading back into the ocean. This happens as other islands in the Hawaii chain are evolving.
The two photos above are the volcano from afar. We were standing at The Volcano House hotel. It is smoking but not erupting. An actual eruption has not occurred since 1983.
This is Big C smelling the steam vents. She remarked it had to be sulfur because it smelled like rotten eggs. I found them to be a bit eery, seeing as they are holes that go WAY down into the Earth's crust. You can see the steam in the photo of our family below.
Then it was onto the Sulfur Banks. I love that look on little c's face. She knows how accident prone her older sister is and looks worried.
We sat and listened to a park ranger give a talk at the look out point. I was so proud of the girls because they actually wanted to listen and were even confident enough to raise their hands at the end (in a sea of adults) and ask their individual questions. Afterwards they met a kind park ranger who told the girls the history of Pele, the volcanic Goddess. This spoke to the girls a lot because they are particularly interested in the Green and Roman Gods.
I am glad B-real put his foot down and said it was important to him that we visit the volcano. I love a strong man with opinions!
On the way home we drove the northern part of the island and stopped in Waimea for dinner, where the un-schooling continued through dinner. Little c was reading a book that uses roman numerals for chapters and so she wanted us to teach her about them. I think she'll remember them because it was her question that got the discussion going versus a school saying she was in a particular grade and needed to know the topic. Claire is reading her book while we wait for dinner.
The learning continued when we got home from our trip as I read to the girls about the different layers of the Earth. On their own accord, they each pulled out a white board while I read and drew their own interpretations of the Earth's various layers. Pretty cool stuff!
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