The Race for College Acceptance

A great article about a child's acceptance to a prestigious college being a sign that the parents have done a good job...

Harvard Schmarvard

The judgement is even more pronounced, I believe, when parents buck the status quo and choose a less traditional schooling option.  If our girls don't get into a 'good' college, by society's standards, people may postulate it's due to our not sending them to school.  Essentially our choices have resulted in them not being 'successful' by standards of our social group.  

B-real and I dream of much more than a 'good' college for our kids though.  We don't see that as evidence of having performed our parenting job well.  I have to agree with the author of the article that things like having a passion, a compassionate soul, and being happy with themselves are more valuable to our family than that 'good' college.

Personally I find it's hard to teach those attributes when you are running your kids to activity upon activity after school.  Seven hours of school plus hours of activities in the evening mean little time to casually be with your children.  

I've seen the parents in their corporate garb, both mom and dad, peanut buttering their child's Ritz crackers at the gymnastics table, while the child's four year old sister does a 7:00 gymnastics class.  I think to myself, you know what's best for that family, to be at home, together.  After the entire day apart, the last thing that little four year old needs is more time away from her parents.

As parents, we have such a short period of time with our children, especially for working parents, don't WE want to enjoy them and spend time with them.  Do we really want to give away 'our' hour of time to a gymnastics teacher?

When people inquire about little c' doing seven hours of gymnastics a week, I mention the only reason it works for our family is because we homeschool.  If we didn't have the days with her I would not allow her to be away from home for two hours a night multiple nights a week.  B-real and I would want time as a family, time for her to play with the neighbors, time to be creative, time to develop a relationship with her sister.  A relationship I believe to be more important than any friend relationship.  

I have a little plaque on the wall of our kitchen.  I made it when our youngest was maybe 2.  It has a list of 10 attributes I hope to teach our girls.  They are things like compassion, creativity, kindness, gratitude.  I keep it in the kitchen so I can see it daily and remind myself of what's important to our family.

There's nothing on that list that pertains to college acceptance.

Teaching Gratitude when you have Plenty

We had a neighbor friend over today.  A sweet seven year old pal of little c's.  Playing on the tramp is one of their favorite activities and our trampoline is very used!  It is in need of being replaced seeing as the net is ripped and the pads are torn.  We looked into to replacing those components however it was only slightly more expensive to buy a whole new trampoline.  It's not a fancy one; think from Walmart.  I might remind you all that it's the trampoline I so very badly wanted and which my dear husband  said would never get used!  Sometimes I am actually right!  I told our friend that we planned to replace the trampoline next year.  She said "you have enough money to buy a new one just like that?".  Embarrassed I told her it wasn't a particularly expensive trampoline so we could afford to replace it.  My heart hurt telling her those words.  She said she would be so happy to just have our trampoline with the ripped net and missing pads and wondered what we would do with it when we got the new one.  Oh my heart, here's this sweet girl who would be excited to have our not good enoughs.

When you have enough, how do you teach your children to have that same sort of appreciation for things?  I want my girls to be like Izzy.  I want my girls to be thankful for what they have and to be grateful for small pleasures.  I want them to be ok with disappointment when they can't afford things, which at some point in life they will likely experience.  The thing is we can afford to do most of what they like. Even so I think I need to say "no", even when I don't have to, because I want them to grow into girls who don't have everything they want. It's important to realize you can be be pretty darn happy with not a whole lot!

Yesterday at Target, Big C decided to spend some of her money.  She rarely spends money but she shrieked with excitement when I said she could use her money to buy this particular item.  I reminded her that if you are that thrilled about something you are probably spending your fun money wisely.  When you chose to spend your discretionary money on something it should fill you with joy.  If it doesn't, you may want to rethink buying the item or having the experience.

So here's to saying "no" even when your circumstances may not require it.

Questions

B-real took Big C to meet with our priest this morning.  She has some big questions that her parents even struggle to answer.  I was too sick to join them even though I would have been equally interested in his answers.  Supposedly it went well and Big C has his email for further inquiries.  Kind of neat to have that line to a spiritual advisor! 

The meeting this morning opened up some questions from this cute girl. She wanted to know if once you get to Heaven you can put in a request to God, like you do at the roller garden to the DJ, asking that certain types of people be born.  

Big questions for 9 a.m. towards a lady with a NyQuil hangover. 

My Least Favorite Part of Parenting

is nagging.

I hate it!  It is mostly my job here and not shared by the man of the home.  He is a big help around here but not so much with enforcement of work, behavior choices, follow through on requests.  You know, that yucky stuff. 

I hate to nag.  I hate to have that sort or relationship with my children where I am constantly asking them to do things.  It is so not fun.  And because we have made the decision to home school I feel like I experience more than families who choose school.  It is my all-day, every day. 

This weekend I asked for a day off.  I had to leave or lock myself in my bedroom. I had been home alone with the girls for five days and I just wanted to be void of responsibility.   Do any other moms ever feel that way?  You love your kids and your family but you just want a day off from the work of the job? 

Even the other day, when dad was home, and I had run out to do a few errands, the girls called me on the phone to ask their question.  Dad was somewhere around the yard.   I 'think' that's fairly common among families.   They need more practice with daddy.

I 'try' different ideas to eliminate the nagging.  My favorite is lists.  We do lists on the white board in the playroom.  School wise each girl has a planner with their daily responsibilities.  I may also be the mother of two forgetful children.  It makes it even more frustrating.  Frequently they go upstairs and forget what they are supposed to have done by the time they make it up the twelve stairs between me and their bedrooms.    The lists are nice because it removes me from their work.  Big C and little c know what's expected of them and what needs to be completed for the fun of the day to begin.  It's almost easier if they have their lists and I leave.  If not, I find myself judging their process and feeling frustrated in their approach to getting the lists done.    Going up and done the stairs four times to brush teeth, bring clothes upstairs, grab a library book that needs to be returned seems inefficient to me.  Really though, what matters is that the work gets done.  How they do it really is their own dealio.

I am also trying to reintroduce something I learned about when the girls were in their ECFE classes.  That fabulous concept of natural consequences.  For example, if we need to leave the house by a specific time and you haven't gathered your sunglasses you may have to suffer from squinting at the park.   Or if you forget your water bottle after I have reminded you; well you might be thirsty.  Nothing that will kill the girls though!  A little thirst, a little headache from squinting. 

Time blocking work makes them more focused and productive.  The other evening I told the girls dessert would be served at 6:30 only if they were downstairs having showered and put away their laundry before that time.  One child made it in the nick of time.  The other, not so.  And sadly only one daughter got to partake in dessert.  I hope the other daughter will remember mom means business and to hurry herself along a little more next time.

Motherhood is definitely a job.   Especially if you want to do it right and raise capable, responsible children.  And sometimes the mom needs a day off!

 
The mom at the National Orchid Garden in Singapore, after walking in the rain for miles.  It was a really nice day off :-) 

Karma

little c asked me this morning if I knew what karma was.  She is seven years old.  When I said "yes" I returned by asking if she knew what it meant.  Shockingly, she did, and her explanation was spot on.

She also told me her new dance teacher likely has a mental illness.  I asked her why she thought that might be the case.  I guess the teacher likes to pretend she is a princess and has a wand and magic fairy dust.  little c says the teacher is seeing things that don't truly exist.  She feels this is a good indication of mental illness.

One of my mom friends said only my child would come up with such thoughts.   

Back

I am going to be back to writing on my blog.  I have struggled because there are many things I want to write about here, like good children's books, our homeschooling journey, travel, remembrances from this time in the girls lives.  It seems scattered and like my blog should have a particular direction.

The authors of my favorite blogs say they write to remember and it's a way to document their lives.  I have been a diary writer since I could basically write words and I believe in a personal journal.  I remember when I initially wanted to be a writer and went to college to pursue that dream.  One of my professors told me that she recommends people write daily and that the best stories often come from those jottings. 

Trying to write down something before bed each night has been my goal but it often gets lost in the shuffle.  I also type much more quickly than I am capable of writing.  And my life frequently keeps me out of the house.  I ALWAYS have my phone and can write while waiting for a child at gymnastics or while I wait in the waiting room of the doctor's office.  I am not organized enough to keep my journal with me at all times.   I would need one for next to my bed and one for my large purse.   

So I want to write more to record these memories.  I hear stories of people using programs to turn their blogs into books.  Plus it's cathartic for me to write.  It always has been.  I am better in writing than in words out of this little mouth of mine.  And I feel better after I write it all out.

So to start with a few photos from the summer of blogging lull...

Celebrating our 13 year wedding anniversary.  Yes we're at the Mall of America.  I really wanted to ride that Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles Ride.  

 B-real and I in Phuket, Thailand.  He had a conference in Singapore so I went with him and we added on a few days in Phuket. 

 

The girls on our boat.  Ages 10 and 8. 


I am back. 

Saturday Night Love Story

This is part of a love story between a guy and his sweet, old dog.  The dog that he used to try to give away to every guest who entered our house.  Along with the dog,  this guy promised a gift card to Petco for her food needs for the coming year.

As we were settling in to watch Dateline NBC, B-real decided to make some popcorn.  Our sweet, old dog likes popcorn and so I reached into his gigantic bowl and grabbed two pieces.   Upon wanting to get some more for sweet, old dog I realized all of the popcorn was gonzers.  My sweet, old husband had eaten it all without a thought for the sweet, old dog who cuddles up to him every night in bed. 

I humphed over that fact and may have made a grumpy face at the 'selfish' man lying next to me in bed.  He said there might be a few more pieces in the bottom of the Whirley Pop.  He came back up with a small bowl of popcorn for the dog.  I gave it to her but she refused to eat it.  I asked B-real if the dog's popcorn had any butter.   He said "No, it had not been buttered.  It came directly from the popcorn maker." I told him "Well, she doesn't like popcorn without butter.  Who does?"  I then asked if he would eat popcorn without butter.  He said he would.  Yeah, right!  

Well then he humped back at me and said "Fine, I will go melt butter for the dog's popcorn."   I told him he didn't need to do that, it was pretty ridiculous to make a dog her own buttered popcorn.  But he did.  Sweet, old dog who adored him before, and even more so now, devoured her pink bowl of buttered popcorn.

The End.   

Summer Writing

It's easy for the girls to continue reading but not as easy to encourage writing over the summer months.

I decided to grab a notebook for each girl and write a prompt at the top of each page.  In the essence of giving them choices, I hand them their notebooks and allow them to select a prompt in which to respond.  Often times the notebooks come in the car and the girls can use our long car trips to write versus time they have at home.

Here is a great list of prompts to use:

www.dailyteachingtools.com

It will be a fun keepsake to reflect back on as they grow older.

Happy Writing! 

Llama Time

Big C and Mr. Bungles, the one-eyed llama. 

The girls are doing 4H this summer.  They are each leasing a llama from a farm to use for the upcoming county fair.  Originally I helped the girls but now I am realizing this is their thing and I will not be able to help them at the fair.  I am stepping away and letting them learn on their own how to motivate and encourage their llamas.  For part of their time this week I even sat in the car and watched them.  It felt like a disservice on my part to hover and help.  They are getting to the age where it's o.k. to let them work through things on their own.  Struggle leads to growth.

I could see this as being a negative aspect of homeschooling.  I am always there versus a teacher who has a class of 20 some kids.  I am fully present and attentive to these two girlies!! The fact that I am always there could either be an advantage or disadvantage.  I guess we are lucky to have the choice of using it as an advantage and choosing to back off when it could become a disadvantage.  

Here's me enjoying the scenery from the car!  Listening to my music and reading my book.  Aaaahhh !!!  

Daily

Every night I make a list on the whiteboard of the girls responsibilities for the day.

I HATE hounding people to do things and it makes my day less productive if I have to keep checking in to make sure what I have asked has been completed.  I can ask them to do their lists while I am accomplishing my work for the day.  I tell the girls it means there will be more time for fun if we are working at the same time as one another.  During the school year they have planners wih their daily work plus chores and reminders of activities and plans for the day.  

They claim they have too much work but it is maybe 45 minutes of work per day. And work includes making a birthday card for the awesome pool party you will be attending on Saturday.  That's not WORK!!  I say 45 minutes but that's if they are focused and don't become distracted...which is their issue and choice...not mine :).

Both B-real and I believe you shouldn't do work your children are capable of doing for themselves. I don't want our girls to be like me in college.  I didn't know how to do laundry and put so much in the washer it wouldn't agitate and actually clean my clothing.  It baffled me until my roommate explained it was packed too full.  My mom had always just taken care of my laundry when I lived at home.  

I think as parents we can make the mistake of doing things for our children believing it signifies love. The real love comes in teaching them how to take care of themselves and become responsible citizens of the world.  Our job is to set them free to fly on their own one day. And we want them to be ready to take that leap. 

Phone Phourth

Heart Sings

Do you ever come across something that makes your heart sing?

This did it for me tonight...

First library card!! Thankful for phone cameras where I can snap a quick photo and have this image forever. 

Strawberry Fields Forever

One summer tradition we hold is going to pick strawberries with my mom!  There is nothing like fresh picked strawberries.  

We may have had a bit of a stem war with the berries we ate in the field!! 

Intentional Parenting

B-real and I were on a date a while back and I asked him what three words he would want used to describe him as a parent.  

Both of said we wanted to be remembered by our children as fun.

  I wish I could recall what else we said but fun was the first thought that came to both of us.   I definitely see both of us being fun in our own ways .  B-real did a flip off the front of our boat on the 4th.  I love wild rides at amusement parks.  We both like to dance even though it's not our thing.  We aren't easily embarrassed and like to be silly and laugh.  The four of us have fun together.  I want our girls to grow up enjoying our family time versus that strong pull to move away from the family and be about friends.  

It's nice to have that discussion and be more intentional about how we live our lives though.  People have goals for their careers, finances, and futures but what about goals as parents?  

Fall Planning

I am beginning to think about school.  I did see supplies at Target today but that's not the reason for my preparations.  The older my students et the more pressure I feel to have a plan!

Both girls love, love, love to read.  And they still like when I read out loud to them as they are doing art projects or building with Legos.  I have never wanted to ruin that love by forcing books on them.  I am realizing that Big C especially is not choosing books at her reading level and doesn't seen to be stretching herself.  I understand her issue though in that it's easier to go to a series you enjoy versus taking a guess on a random author or book.  I decided for this school year the girls will do some required reading.  I believe kids do better when they have some control over their choices.  As a result I compiled a list of books that I would like them to read and asked them to select seven books from my long list that they will commit to read this school year.

I made sure to include fiction, non-fiction, biographies, humor, sci-fi.  B-real was helpful too because I wondered what level books to choose for the girls.  Although little c is capable of reading books like Percy Jackson she does not have the attention span for such a long book.  I wanted her to have the feeling of success rather than feeling overwhelmed with her choices.  I can't wait to see what they pick! 

I also starred a few that I want to read myself.  Those will be read alouds for the year.  Our current read aloud is Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli.  We are loving it!!  And we recently finished The London Eye mystery.  We were sad when that book came to a conclusion.  I read Counting by Sevens too.  Great book.  It's young adult category but neither of the girls wanted to listen because the book begins on a sad note- the death of the main character's parents.  

Exercise

Exercise does a body and a brain good at our house.  I see the mood benefits of regular exercise especially for Big C.  We like to bike as a family and both girls like to jump on our trampoline.  Big C does not enjoy walking or running though.  Maybe most kids don't?!  I inspired her today by working with me on interval training where we run /walk in intervals.  We went about 2 miles and she was faster than I expected.  Too fast for her mom!  We had fun talking as we passed different flowers and exterior decor.  We talked about how proud we were of ourselves for having gone the distance.  And the best part was I had a happy, flexible, calm little person with whom to spend the remainder of the day.  Yeah for exercise!! 

Cakes and More

Little c remarked on Sunday morning that we hadn't spent much time together lately.  I was a bit shocked as a homeschooling mom with a traveling salesmen for a husband has a pretty bit credit in that department.  Nonetheless I mentioned my plan to make homemade pancakes for breakfast and asked if she wanted to join me.  First we made her a chef's hat and then she decided we needed a menu for our customers and coupons for free breakfasts.  Just like at a hotel.  Little c is really good at working on the stove and can make those pancakes from ingredients to cakes on a plate!  We had so much fun together!! 

Cat who thinks she is a dog...

Summer

The girls started 4H this winter mostly because they wanted to participate in the llama project.  We have been headed to the llama farm weekly for the girls to spend time working with their llamas prior to the county fair.  The competition includes an obstacle course as well as showmanship.  

Happy Girl

Big C has taken up horse back riding.  She loves it!  Even all of the work that goes into getting her pony Gilbert ready for her lesson.  It requires brushing with multiple brushes, changing his harness twice, hooking him up to two different leads, hoof care, saddling and bridling.  Wow!  It's work for the both of us but I enjoy the horse time as much as Big C.  And it's nice to have that quiet one on one time together!

The girls ended up their homeschool co-op year with a choir concert.  Their amazing teacher asked for children to audition for solos.  I was SHOCKED that Big C tried out but I was proud she had the courage to do so.  And she got a singing part!  Little c also tried out (no surprise there) and was given a short speaking part.  One of the other children decided late in the game that they were too scared to sing so little c raised her hand and volunteered to take her place.  So both of our daughters had singing roles.  I was a nervous mom waiting in the audience but they both did really well.  As is natural, people think little c is much younger than her actual age, so people were especially impressed with her poise and confidence.  The audience actually clapped after her sweet solo.  

Big C had so much fun being part of the choir performance.  That's her doing her jazz hands.  They both danced throughout the songs (may have been the only children dancing).  When Big C is confident about something (her singing) she really shines.

First Communion

Little c had her first communion this month.  She looked so sweet and pretty.  

Below is a photo of her with her friend Joey.  Joey is going to be quite a man when he grows up.  Upon seeing Charlotte at the pictures, prior to the church service, he said "Charlotte you look very nice".  Mom was gushing!!  He asked for a photo with her too.  

Little c wanted a dessert bar rather than a cake.  Here she is eating one of the push up cake pops.  She wanted a color scheme too -- silver and orange.  Not my favorite choice but I roped in some aquamarine and it turned out pretty cute.

Near Heaven for Big C

Gale Woods Farm offered a lamb watch for families in April.  Big C absolutely loves sheep and has begun telling me she wants to be a sheep farmer.  So the fact that we got to go visit and play with lambs was her idea of a good time!!