Book Review: The Family Under the Bridge

We read so much at our house.  It makes me happy the girls share my love of reading.  I just finished up reading a book called "The Family Under the Bridge" to Little c.

It's a heartwarming tale of a homeless grandfatherly man who meets a homeless mother and her three children in Paris.  Initially Armand, the grandfatherly man, decides he doesn't care for children.  The Calcet kids change his mind and he grows to care a great deal for them.  All being homeless, Armand cares for the children while their mother works and searches for a home for them.  Armand goes from a homeless man, happy to be on the streets, with no desire for employment to a man who pulls himself back together so he can help support these three children.

The book won a Newberry Honor Medal and was published in 1958 so it's an oldie but a goodie.  We traveled to Paris with the girls a few years ago so some of the locations were recognizable to Little c.  Upon finishing the book, Little C asked if there was a sequel.  I guess she liked it?

The Last Days of Summer

We had some of our favorite people out on the boat a few weeks back.  Our boat is very enjoyable but we actually enjoy ourselves more when we can share the fun with friends.

This was Little c on the boat...

And this was Big C...

I am seriously questioning whether she has narcolepsy because she falls asleep practically every where.  This is in the middle of the afternoon...in bright sunlight.


Our friends told us about this fun little place called Frog Island that boasts of a rope swing.  Well we swung over there to check it out and it was fun.

Even Dave got in on the action!  What a brave, fun dad!

No fun night with our family is complete without a little tubing.  It was Big C's friend's first time in a tube.  I think she liked it!!  Lots of thumbs up to go faster!

Little c and her pal hung out on the front of the boat and talked.  They both like to talk!  Maybe next time we'll get them in the tube too.

It's such a gift when the kids get along well and the parents do too.  I am sad the summer is coming to an end here because we'd love to have another boat night this year with our friends!  Something to look forward to in 2014!

Camping Close to Home

Our summer fun list included camping this year and our dear friends like to camp.  We managed to coordinate our schedules and found a nice campground close to home.   We had the absolute best time! Mostly because of the company.  My friend's sister and her family happened to be camping at the same location so we enjoyed meeting new friends too.

The beach was 'closed' because it was after Labor Day but that did not stop nearly everyone camping from swimming. There had to be over 50 people at the 'closed' beach.   It was awful hot so we were pleased to see people breaking the rules and were happy to break them too!

There was some game playing and a park for playing.  Little c said she wished we lived at the campsite although she said she could do without the bathroom situation.  I had to agree.  I was so grossed out by no sink to wash hands.  I could barely do the day with only hand sanitizer.

Big C took another nap while camping.  I sort of couldn't blame her.  I appreciate a nap in the tent too.

The kids donned their headlamps and went exploring in the woods for a bit.  B-Real joined them.  And I wonder where one of my children gets her dorkiness?  I have always loved the nerdy, smarts ones though.

Donuts for breakfast, anyone?

And we finished off our time with a few rounds of capture the flag.

I love to camp but I also love my coffee in the morning.  Thanks to our friends camp stove (boiling water) and B-reals quick buy of a french press, we were able to have some pretty amazing camp coffee.

Thanks friends for sharing your camping expertise with our less experienced family.  When are we going again?!!!

This is how we roll

In our home school we read a TON!  Once a child can read they can learn anything.   Although they are capable readers I still enjoy reading out loud to them.

We are reading a wonderful book called "Hoot" right now.  It's by Carl Hiaasen.

When I read to them I look for opportunities to teach about different topics and to teach new vocabulary.   Mostly the kids learn through the use of books.  We use some workbooks but primarily I want them to read, read, read!

For example, from Hoot the girls have learned about:

• burrowing owls
• cottonmouth snakes
• truancy (what it means and why we aren't truant for home-schooling)
• rabies (what animals mostly cause rabies in humans in the U.S., how it is treated, how many people die from the disease)
• watching the movie "Hoot" and comparing and contrasting between book and movie
• what it means to moon someone
• vocabulary like prone, survey, epilogue

We also talked about how you would not want to talk to a police officer without a lawyer present. Sometimes the police will manage to get you to say things that are untrue. Police officers, like regular old people, are not all good. The girls now know to tell a police officer "I want a lawyer.  I won't talk to you until I have one".  

There are so many teachable opportunities through reading to your children.   

(Yo) gurt Lab

My mom, Big C and I went on a little date last night to this new frozen yogurt place in Wayzata called (Yo) gurt Lab.  Mom said she thought Big C would like it because it had a whole bunch of topping choices.  I was prepared to be sort of disappointed, thinking frozen yogurt, boring.  But it was so far from boring; it was awesome!

For the adults there were probably 20 different choices for frozen yogurt.  I selected the limoncello but they also had salted caramel, avocado, pear, dark chocolate, pumpkin, cinnamon, apple pie.  Seriously there were so many choices! The Lab offers small cups for sampling. You pay by the ounce and could choose to have a variety of those choices mixed together too.

Then the toppings.  I don't think they were missing anything.  For the kids there were Fruit Loops and Cocoa Krispies, three kinds of M&Ms, marshmallows, mini chocolate chips, pretzels, carmel and chocolate sauce.   For the adults there were all kinds of fresh fruit and candy toppings.

I hope to go back sometime VERY soon!

Homework is Killing Me

We get "The Atlantic" magazine.  Well, I should say B-real gets it.  Historically I have found it horribly boring although he claims there are really interesting articles.  This month two of the cover articles really struck me and I grabbed the magazine before B-real could slide it into his work bag.

The first is an article written by a dad of an eighth grade student (Esme) in NYC.  For one week he tries to do the same homework he daughter does.  His point being that kids have too much homework these days.   On an average night his daughter is spending 3-4 hours on homework.  She is averaging 6.5 hours of sleep.   My favorite line is when Esme tells her dad the homework is about "memorization not rationalization".  That reminds me so much of my school experience.   Memorize material for a test, do well, and then forget the information because it has no meaning whatsoever to me.  

Get this, one night for math homework Esme has to determine the distance from Sacremento to every other state capital in both miles and kilometers.  When the dad questions the value of the homework to the teacher, the teacher suggests that maybe Esme needs to be moved down to a remedial math class.

The author ponders how it would be for an employee to work at his/her job for eight hours per day and then come home and be expected to do three or four additional hours of office work.  As a student there is homework on the weekends too.   So add some extra office time into your weekend.  Now your job is more equivalent to being a student.  How happy would you be?

This is what we are expecting of our children?  In some of my circles the children's amount of homework is seen as a bragging right.  Like somehow the amount of homework equates to a quality education.  I see it the other way around.  What sort of school keeps your kids for eight hours a day and can't get it done? What sort of school requires your child to spend even an extra couple hours per night on school work?  Personally, this would not make me proud, more like embarrassed. 

Here's a link to the article:

My Daughter's Homework is Killing Me

Some sort of amazing

The girls are doing a home school program through our local YMCA.   While I was in the locker room with them I noticed a woman with many children.  It's not that uncommon to find home school families with lots of kids but this Caucasian woman had lots of Asian children.  I asked if they were all hers and she said "Yes, I have eleven children from China".

Wow was I amazed.  Not only because she adopted eleven children from China but because she managed to get nine of her eleven out of the women's locker room faster than I managed with my two!

As fate would have it, our paths crossed again last night at gymnastics.  Eight of the eleven take gymnastics classes.   I feel so inspired and motivated by her presence and by witnessing her polite, poised young children.  If she can do it with eleven, I should have no problem doing it with two. 

Her name is Jean and she has in fact adopted eleven children from China.  She will be adopting two more in November.  It will be their last trip to China to adopt.  She is in her mid-fifties (she told me) and has four biological grown children of her own.  Jean home schools all but one of her children.  They come to the U.S. speaking absolutely no English.  And they have a host of medical needs.  She and her husband have traveled across the U.S. to have the right specialists treat their children.  The kids are so polite and respectful.  She has so much energy too and gets right in there with the children and has fun. 

Tell me, is she not amazing and inspiring? 

Here is a link to her blog...

There's No Place Like Home

Pear Tree Greetings

It's getting to be the time of year I start dreading finding a family photo to use for our annual Christmas card.    I love Christmas cards and try to send out lots so we receive lots in return.

Last year a friend sent me a link to a great place to have cards printed.  It's called

Pear Tree Greetings

I was very pleased with my cards and received many compliments on them.

Yesterday I learned they are a Minnesota company based in Mankato.  So yeah for supporting a MN company!  I like the idea of giving my Christmas card money to a MN based company.  I also like that they offer some different card options than the bigger name printers.  Your card will be more likely to be an original. 


Here are two of my favorites.  The second is a post card which is simple and different. 

Check them out if you are looking for something different and sort of local!

Have you heard of CLEP?

If not, you should definitely know about it, regardless of the school environment for your children.  CLEP allows your children to earn credits for college before they actually get to college age.  Unlike PSEO, which is only for 11th and 12th graders, CLEP has no age restrictions. 

There are a variety of subjects your child can select for testing. Thirty-three tests in available.   The tests are given in testing centers year round and only cost $80/test. There is often an administrative testing fee of $15-20.  Generally a child can earn 3 credits for each CLEP test completed.  Compare $100 to the the cost of a class at any public or private college and you are saving a boatload of money.  Get this, proficiency means getting 50% of the questions right.  Yes, I said it, your child only needs to get 1/2 of the questions right to get college credit.  The College Board holds onto the test scores for 20 years so the results don't expire.   If your child fails the test, they are able to sit for the exam in another six months. 

I learned this last night after attending a workshop done by Cheri Frame from Credits before College.  Not only did I learn about CLEP but I learned a lot I didn't know about college.  For example, most of the first two years of college (the general education courses), the first 60 credits, are repeats of what a child learned in high school.  Not until the final 60 credits does the child really get into new material.  CLEP allows your child to show proficiency in many of the classes offered during the first two years of college.

Credits Before College

College affordability and value is a big conversation these days.  CLEP allows you to substantially reduce your college costs.   Your child could easily have two years of education under their belt for a few thousand dollars in testing fees.  

The only hang up I could see is that some colleges will not accept CLEP.  Ivy leagues and military academies fall into this column.  It's important to check with colleges of interest to your family before taking the exams.   Some colleges will grant proficiency in the subject but not credit.  This means your child can take a more advanced class in place of the entry level course. 

Awesome books exist to help your child prepare for the exams and it is becoming more and more common to find CLEP classes (especially in the homeschooling world).  Cheri's suggestion was to have your child do a few practice exams, available in the books, to determine if your child is prepared to sit for the exam. 

The other exam mentioned was the DSST.  They offer 38 tests and the parameters are similar to CLEP.

Please check out Cheri's website! There is much more information on CLEP, DSST, college planning and dates for her upcoming workshops.

  

I like him...

John Rosemond.
Have you heard of him?
He's an old school parenting expert.
Reminds me of someone my parents would have subscribed too while raising me.
He believes we should actually enjoy the job of parenting.  Imagine that?
We over think our responsibility and fail to use our common sense.

John Rosemond Columns

John compares kids today to kids in the 1960s (when he was raised).

• Children are five to ten times more likely to become clinically depressed by the age of 16 now versus the 1960s.  
• In the 1960s parents paid more attention to one another than their children (marriage was the focus of the family rather than the children).  Kids were supposed to pay attention to their parents; not the other way around.  
• Children were allowed to express their opinions but it did not mean much to the family. John says, "And no, we were definitely not allowed to express our feelings freely. Have you ever met someone who expresses his or her feelings freely, without regard for the sensibilities of others? That defines an obnoxious, narcissistic, sociopathic boor."  Amen. 

He feels too many parents want to be their kids friends rather than provide leadership.  They care too much about whether their children 'like' them and don't want to deal with the results of an unpopular decision.  The example he gives is a group of high school kids getting together for senior skip day and parents allowing them to drink and party.  The parents said "you have to trust them sometime".

John thinks it's o.k. to say "because I said so" to your children.

My thoughts:
My children are very important to me but my marriage will be forever.  Eventually the kids will have their own families and their priority will be their marriage, children and jobs. It will come back to B-real and me! He's my constant and forever!  I have to remind myself when I pour so much time and energy into the kids.  Some nights I feel so depleted that I have very little left to give my husband.  And that's not right.  I need to take some time for me during the day so I have something to give to my other half at night.

Contrary to what appears to be popular belief, I don't want to be my girls friends at this age.  There will come a time, when they are older, that we will be friends.  Right now I feel like I am their leader and leaders must provide discipline and direction.   The funny thing is discipline doesn't have to mean or tough.  It can be done in a loving, kind manner but without room for negotiation.  I find I have to discipline my children very little because we are constantly discussing right and wrong choices.  They know where I stand because we spend a lot of time together.

I hear too many parents giving lengthy explanations to their young children as to why they arrived at a particular decision.   It's almost like they are justifying it to themselves.  Parents decisions should not be up for negotiation.  We are on such different levels than our children.  Adults have years of experience on their kids and should set rules and boundaries.  Kids aren't able to do that yet for themselves.   I recall a pediatrician friend telling me the worst parenting mistake I could make was to allow my children to negotiate with me.  For example, if I were to tell the kids bedtime is at 8:30 and they were to say they didn't want to go to bed at 8:30.  They wanted to stay up until 9:00 because all of their friends stayed up later.   And I allowed them to go back and forth with me until we arrived at some sort of 'compromise' on bedtime.  As if they were my equals rather than my children.  Kids are learning that what I say isn't the rule.  If I say we aren't buying candy in the check out line at Target they might recall the time I gave in on the bedtime rule and decide it's up for negotiation too.  Don't get me wrong, I think negotiation is a good skill for a child to learn and I will look for opportunities to develop that skill.  For example, I might say to the girls "We need a plan for when you will be able to do Mine Craft this week.  Can you come up with an idea and present it to me?" There would be some negotiation back and forth on that topic.  But it would be my idea that we negotiate, not theirs.

It's important to remember that we are in charge.  We have the right to enjoy being a mom or dad.  And you can make that happen.  If your children are testing you beyond your wits end, you need to put down some boundaries.  There is nothing wrong with sending your kids to their room for some quiet time.  Not as a punishment but as a break for everyone.   It's perfectly fine to send your kids outside for a while too.

For kids who cannot entertain themselves, I say they need more practice.  More time alone in their rooms to find something to do independently.  Parents, don't complain, take action and do something.  You are the parents.  What do you want for your children?  Do you want them to be the type of kids who need constant interaction from another individual?  No, you want a child who can learn to entertain him or herself.  We all need to be o.k. being alone.  So make that happen in your home.

We need to take charge of our families again.

Thankful

Tonight I am thankful for unexpected friendships; ones that maybe shouldn't have been.  Friendships that were a reach and required a stretch on my part.   Putting myself out there. And the result is a friend who is just loyal and good and has all of the traits I desire in a friend.  Had I chosen to complain and pity myself instead of pushing outside of my comfort zone, we would not have found each other.  At minimum it would have taken a lot longer for us to have made our connection.

She said she knew we were going to be friends when she first met Little c and saw the way she was dressed. Appearances were obviously not of great importance to me.  Little c must have dressed herself that day in some mis-matched get up.   I knew we would be friends when she was willing to come over to my house, with her kids, after having only emailed back and forth.  And then I learned more about her; she is such a genuine, selfless friend.  There aren't many people in my life who I feel I could call in an emergency in the middle of the night, but she's one of those people.  And how lucky am I to have her just down the road!

It was hard for me when we moved into this new neighborhood and I felt like I had no friends.  My old neighborhood was full of friendly people.  I can't count all of the kind gestures we extended to one another during our 10 years in our old 'hood.  I like to fix problems rather than complain about them.  Desperate for companionship and someone to call when in need of an egg, I emailed the families in our directory with children around our age.  And one mom got back to me and she expressed feeling similarly to me.

I don't need anyone else here so long as I have her.  She's the kind of friend I want to be.  She inspires me with her goodness, selflessness, and willingness to help me whenever I ask.  I never feel guilty either because I feel like she feels genuinely happy to be able to help.

Here's to pushing and stretching and not settling for unhappiness.  Even when faced with adversity and disappointment, look for detours and new paths to get what you want in life.  And you know what, it always seem to work out, and usually better than you expect!

 

Sarah Saves: The Thrift Store

Thriftiness is in my gene pool!  My mom's dad was known for his trips to the Goodwill and Salvation Army.  Earlier in my life I could not have imagined setting foot in a thrift store and buying 'used' things.  Eww!  Here's what I appreciate about thrifting:  1.  the price  2. reusing  3.  the hunt  .

I do have a thing for clothes and fashion but I am also pretty frugal and don't want to spend all of our money on vanity.  Enter the thrift store.  Some super hot water and lots of detergent and I'm o.k. wearing someone's used J. Crew clothes. 

Fortunately I have a group of 'thrifty' girls that I can tag along with on their expeditions.  Doing this with friends make it even more fun. This past weekend we went out for the day in celebration of one of our 40th birthdays.  

This is a photo of us at our Downtown Abby marathon party.  

Here was our plan: 

1.  The Salvation Army in downtown Minneapolis
2.  A boutique called "I Like You" in Northeast
3.  Saver's in Minneapolis
4.  The Guild in St. Louis Park
5.  The Goodwill in St. Louis Park
6.  Antique stores in downtown Hopkins

My friend Missy grew up thrifting with her family; before it was cool.  And boy is she good.  I joke with her that I should just give her $100 and she can hunt for things for me.  On this occasion she found a brand new Lucy tank for $9.99.  It still had the tags.  Can I say 'jealous'?  

I found a white strapless J. Crew dress for $6.99 and a hot pink J. Crew sweater for $6.99.  Yeah!  Fun summer outfit for less than $15 and I have received so many compliments.

All three of us made purchases at "I Like You".  I bought a t-shirt for B-real that says "You're killing me smalls".  His three girls being the smalls and often we kill him with our antics.  Missy bought some cute coasters and a present for her niece.  Erica found a super cute hair tie for her daughter.

When I shop at the thrift store I try to have a list of items I'm looking to purchase.  But you have to be o.k. with buying up sizes for your kids and being inspired by what you might find.  I did buy a Mini Boden t-shirt for Big C that is size 11/12 so I just put it up in her closet for a while.   And remember the miracle of spray paint.  Something really ugly can be renewed with a good spray paint color. 

I know it's not for everyone but it's fun for me! 

Change

I've been feeling a little sad lately.  I am not sure why it's hitting me all of sudden.  Maybe it was because I was filing some things in the file cabinet and came across a few pieces of artwork the girls had done when they were younger.  Big C especially was just a creative machine; generating art piece after art piece.  I miss those days.  I miss having papers and markers and crayons and stickers encompassing my kitchen table and not being able to sit down without cleaning it up.  At the time I didn't think I would miss it though.  I recall being worried someone might stop by unexpectedly and see the chaos that was our table.   But really, who cares, when I look back on it.  My girls were having so much fun.  Would I have judged a mom who couldn't eat at her table?  Heck no, I would have thought she was awesome!  

 

While we were at Lake Owen, I helped Little c in the shower with washing her hair.  In the thick of things, bathing and showering felt like a chore.  Now that I don't have to help them, I sort of miss the look of my babies with their wet hair all gelled back.  Those pretty, perfect faces without any hair dos of their own messing up their simple beauty.  Or when they lay back in the tubby and all that peeked out from the water was their sweet little faces.  They are just so perfect when they are all clean and fresh.  We've trained them so well now that by the time we see them their hair is brushed. Often Little c has concocted a hair do of her own.

Last year the girls couldn't spend enough time outdoors.  All they wanted to do was play in the tree they nicknamed Luna.  B-real made a ladder for them, they adorned the tree with artwork, there was a basket for raising items into the tree.  Granted that awesome tree resulted in one horribly broken leg back in October.  Happily the injury did not preclude Big C from wanting to climb again, immediately after her leg had healed.  We held off until this spring but then there wasn't as much appeal.  They had moved on to something entirely new.

Now it's about time in their rooms.  Especially for Big C.  She likes to listen to her books on c.d., do her art, maybe read, play Legos.  The door is always closed too.  I miss her.   Little c thumps around doing gymnastics on her bed and likes her books on c.d. too. 

To all you young moms, try to remember to enjoy each day.  Even though they can be hard and tiring.  Trust me, one day you will miss them.  Life changes so quickly for these people we've been entrusted to raise and you've got to live in the moment and rejoice in each stage.   Because one day you might look back and wish you would have appreciated them more.  

Little c's Video

Here is Little c's marketing video she did for Tweet Pediatric Dentistry in Chanhassen.

Enjoy!

Little c's Video

Praise and Discipline

One thing that really works with my kids is to discipline and reprimand them privately.  I think about how embarrassing it would to me if B-real ripped into me in front of our friends.  Or if it were to happen in a work setting.  Who wants to be corrected in the presence of others?

It works simply.  If I see a behavior that displeases me, I calmly call the child over and speak quietly to her about the correct action.  I don't yell or punish but rather kindly tell her the current behavior is not appropriate and instruct on how I would like her to behave.  I then 'release' her back into the group setting.

On the other hand, when I see correct behavior I make sure to praise very publicly.  Who doesn't like to be complimented in the presence of friends, relatives, you name it?  

And I try to praise much more than reprimand.  You'll find the more you do this, the less you will actually need to correct behavior.

One example is from a class Big C started this week.  She was a bit grumpy because they were waiting around for the activities to start and she wanted to get going.   It was just a negative attitude really but I felt like she was starting off this new experience on the wrong foot.  I quietly called her over to me and reminded her that we don't get a second chance to make a first impression.  I asked her what she thought the other kids and instructors would think of her if she continued to behave in her current manner.  She said she did not think they would like her.  I asked if she wanted to spend 10 weeks with kids and instructors who didn't like her.  She said no.  I told her she had the opportunity to change her attitude and consequently change the course of the next 10 weeks.  She decided she wanted to do that and proceeded to have a pleasant attitude and really enjoyed her class.

Another aspect of homeschooling I appreciate is that I have the chance to witness more of these teachable moments.   People may say that kids need to figure it out themselves and I agree with this to a degree; but once they are older.  I believe, right now, is an especially important age for parents to be involved in helping their children navigate the waters.   At seven and nine they are still immature and need guidance.  I don't want to fix their problems but I want to be there to guide them, to advise, to mentor.

Sarah Saves: Swim Suits

Folks, now is the time to buy your swimsuit for your winter vacation or even next summer.  I am seeing some of the swimsuit separates on Lands End for $9.99-14.99.  Normally separates are around $50. Some are still on 'expensive' sale, as I call it, and will probably get marked down even more.  

I remember the year we went to Bora Bora to celebrate our wedding anniversary and I bought two new swimsuits in November.  I two suits from Land's End for under $40.  The problem with waiting quite that long is that the selection is more limited.

If you like swim skirts, I have this one...it really holds your tummy in! A mom friend of mine mentioned how grateful she is for the swim skirt.  She said thanks to the swim skirt she actually swims with her children.

And I also have this top....I like halter tops because they hold 'everything' up!

Happy Shopping!

Bibliotherapy

Have you heard of bibliotherapy?  My spell check sure doesn't recognize it.  Although the word is new to me, the concept certainly is not.  Bibliotherapy means learning lessons through the use of books.   So if an individual is struggling with a particular issue someone recommends books that might support them in working through their problem.  It's not just for kids either.  Many experts believe it can help treat depression and anxiety in adults. 


For example, if your child is struggling with perseverance, someone might suggest your child read the following books:

Little One Step by Simon James

If: A Father's Advice to his Son by Rudyard Kipling

Thunder Rose by Jerdin Nolen

In our house, we do this all of the time, although I have never tied a term to it.  For me, it's not just about reading the books, it's about discussing what we are reading and possibly digging deeper into particular topics of interest to the girls.  

Once a child can read, they can learn anything.

Not working?

Just when I proclaim to B-real that I feel like home-schooling is not working, one of the kids will amaze me with their knowledge of something.  For instance, today Little c asked B-real what mountain was the tallest in the world.  B-real responded "Mt. Everest in Nepal" to which Little c said "Mars Mountain is bigger than Everest".  Mount Olympus Mons, on Mars is 14 miles tall and is over 3 times taller than Mount Everest.

How in the world she knows this is beyond me but maybe what we are doing is working...so long as I want to train my kids to be on Jeopardy one day!

Summer Days with our Dog

We like to walk Gracie down to the boardwalk by our house and let her off the leash.  The sun was especially pretty this evening AND I managed to bring my camera with me.

Summer Photo Bomb